Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Purely For Security Reasons, I Assure You...

Heather brought my attention to this story today....

So, our fine, fine airport security screeners can now thoroughly pat down women in the most sensitive of sensitive areas, as long as they display "irregularities in a person's natural shape and contour." My guess is that Pamela Anderson can't make it through a single checkpoint without being marked with that "SSSS" thing.

Being that Heather's interest in this case is far more personal than mine, I've invited her to write her own response to this new development in our national security policy. If/when she does, I'll be happy to share it with y'all...

Monday, November 29, 2004

In Praise of Tradition, While Acknowledging the New

-A super-duper congratulations to da man, Brett Favre, who will start his 200th consecutive game tonight on Monday Night Football. People are out there drawing comparisons between Favre's streak and Ripken's, and Brett has come out saying that there's no comparison, that Cal's streak is more impressive. Well, Brett's right, there is no comparison, but not in the way he meant. Ripken's streak is a monument in sports, without doubt. But Cal did have a long stretch there in the middle where he played pretty weak baseball, and still played, because there was no one there to challenge him, in my humble opinion. For 200 straight games, Brett has played truly remarkable football - remarkable in success and in entertainment value (is there anyone more fun to watch play?). And he's done it at the single toughest position in his game, he's done it fighting through injuries, addictions, personal tragedies and more - and he's remained, a rock that the game of football stands on. No disrespect to Cal's streak, but I am far more impressed by the one that will be celebrated tonight. Congratulations, Brett.

-And on the flip side of the coin, a streak of 78 consecutive performances was ended two weeks ago. And all of the fans did mourn. But, we also celebrate the new arrival, and look forward to all the great contributions it will make to an institution we love. Ergo...WELCOME, LAPPY 486! :)

Sunday, November 28, 2004

DVD Review: Spider-Man 2

Surprise! :)

Yep, I was able to get my hands on an advance copy of this bad boy, and so I get to present my first exclusive early review of the DVD release of the summer's biggest and best movie (though Shrek grossed more, will anyone stand up and try to argue that it was a better film?). How did I get it a full three days in advance of the release date? Umm....well, if I told you, I'd have to kill you. So, let's not go there, okay? Well, let's get to work...

Da Flick and How It Looks: My copy is, naturally, the widescreen special edition, presented in anamorphic widescreen and with a slew of audio options, including both English and French 5.1 surround sound. The end result, visually, is a terrific transfer, as good as I've ever seen. Sharp visuals, rich colors and no noticeable imperfections or blurry spots, which is especially impressive given how fast the camera moves during the action sequences. In short, the movie looks awesome, about as good as it can get.

The sound may be even more impressive. I can't say I listened to the full French 5.1 or either the Spanish or English 2.0 mixes, but I did go through the whole movie on the 5.1 with our surround sound system, and it was quite a trip, as the movie takes full advantage of all audio channels with a crystal-clear track that balances all elements beautifully. The best comment, I feel, for any audio mix is that the soundtrack does its job without drawing attention to itself - I don't like audio trickery being done for its own sake. In the case of Spidey, the audio track works beautifully at its most important job - furthering the story and supporting the already impressive visuals. In short, everything about the movie's presentation is tip-top.

Da Commentaries and Are They Worth Hearing: I, for one, was massively disappointed with the commentary tracks on the first Spidey DVD. Two audio tracks, one with Sam Raimi, Kirsten Dunst and producers, the other with the SFX crew, and a text track seems like a lot until you actually watch them and reflect how little you actually seemed to be learning about the whole thing. Raimi in and of himself is not a compelling talker - he needs someone to feed off of (like Bruce Campbell in the Evil Dead commentaries) so he'll settle back and enjoy himself, and he never seemed to find that rhythm with Dunst. The crew commentaries seemed surprisingly dry, as well, given how interested I usually am in the technical tracks, and the "Spidey Sense" text commentaries worked too hard to look like comic book sidepanels, and as a result, were often unreadable.

Well, this time around, Columbia's DVD folks apparently set out to address all the criticisms of the first set and have delivered a much more interesting set of commentaries, even though they have basically the same set-up as Spidey 1's release. First up is Raimi, Tobey Maguire, producer Avi Arad and co-producer Grant Curtis in a cast and crew commentary which turns out to be far more lively and entertaining than the one on the first DVD. The four men seem to have been recorded in pairs - Raimi and Maguire in one session, Arad and Curtis in another - and spliced together, and the end result is a far more lively discussion, I suspect, than if all four had been recorded in one sitting, as any dead spots are pretty much filled by simply switching over to the other set of participants. Maguire is a very animated talker, and Sam, as a result, keeps up nicely, which makes their parts very insightful and fun, while Arad and Curtis pop in with more in-depth discussion of the development and characters. All in all, an excellent track.

The technical track also is very enjoyable, with a slew of participants from all stages of the production. Obviously, this track is much more focused on the how of the FX rather than the why, but considering how incredibly in-depth the effects work on both Spidey and Doc Ock were, this is very, very cool, with a ton of fascinating info, and nary a dull moment most of the way. Really good stuff making for two very good audio tracks.

The "Spidey Sense" text commentary is back, too, and much more successful this time around. Instead of the comic-style text boxes popping up all over the frame, this time the commentary is always presented at the bottom of the screen, white text against a blue background, making it much easier to read and follow. The text is more interested in giving background of the actors and comic characters, as well, instead of story and technical information, which means there's very little overlap in information between the three commentaries. Very, very nicely organized, and the result is a very good set of tracks.

Da Extras and How Many Do You Get: Again, the first Spidey set was considered by many to be quite lacking in its extras, which sure looked like a lot of stuff on the back of the box, but in practice mainly consisted of two documentaries made for TV networks (an HBO special and a really cheesy E! special), a bunch of short profiles and screen tests, and a lot of comic-related info. Decent, but definitely less impressive compared to a lot of the other high-end DVD sets out there. Again, Columbia appears to have listened, and the end result is a much-more in-depth set of extras that truly deserves the moniker "special edition."

First, on disc one, in addition to the above commentaries, you get more goodies - first, four of the "Web-i-sodes" from the film's website, featuring some behind-the-scenes footage and interview, each running about 2-3 minutes a piece. Fun but pretty unsubstantial. Then the music video to Train's song "Ordinary," and a pretty funny blooper reel, with a lot of stuff underlining just how hard those tentacles were to get right at times. Disc one closes out with a set of trailers for everything from both Spidey movies to a lot of Columbia's upcoming releases on both DVD and in theatres.

But disc two is where the meat of it all begins. First up is "Making the Amazing," an original documentary divided up into 12 parts, discussing every stage of production from the script to costumes to stunts to effects to the amazing "Spydercam" to the Hollywood premiere, featuring comments from basically everyone involved in the film, cast and crew alike. Each of the 12 sections of the doc can be viewed separately or all at once, and added up they make a TWO-HOUR doc jammed with fascinating material on everything, and loads of behind the scenes footage, as well. Wicked cool stuff, and a tremendously interesting piece. This doc focuses more on the technical side, as well, but that's okay...

...because we also get a set of three featurettes, each running about 15-20 minutes, which delve more into a discussion of character and themes, with a lot more interviews with the creative minds behind Spidey, both in the movies and in comics. First is "Hero in Crisis," a discussion of Peter's struggle with his heroic persona, with comments from the usual suspects, as well as more from the Man himself, Stan Lee. Then there's "Ock-Umentary: 'Eight Arms to Hold You,'" a thorough discussion of Doc Ock from both a character standpoint and a technical one, with loads of footage of the development of the tentacles as characters and the visual evolution of their look, as well as comments from Alfred Molina on their operation and performance. An excellent piece. Finally we get "Interwoven: The Women of Spider-Man," a look at the female characters in Spidey's universe, including extensive discussion (for you purists out there) of Gwen Stacy, why she isn't in the movies, and the effect her character had on Spidey's life. All excellent pieces which feel like additional sections to the main documentary, rather than quick afterthoughts.

And no, we ain't done. Next is "Enter the Web," one of my favorite kinds of features - a true behind-the-scenes piece where the camera is dropped in the middle of the set and shows the filming of a scene in real time. Except, in this case, what we get is the filming of about 5 different scenes, with three different camera angles, which you can toggle between using the angle button on your remote. (There's also a fourth angle which shows a composite of all three shots, plus a fourth window showing what the camera was filming...excellent.) I really dig these set visit kind of things, and it makes for a fascinating feature. Next is an art gallery of the great Alex Ross's work from the title sequences, giving you a nice view of the complete paintings. Finally, you get a short behind-the-scenes look at the making of the Spider-Man 2 game, as well as the trailer for it. You also get a few weblinks via your DVD ROM drive, if you have such a thing (which I don't).

(Note: I've only found one Easter egg so far, but it's a good one - go to the first menu for the "Making the Amazing" documentary, and click down until Doc's top left tentacle is highlighted. Then hit enter and watch the fun. :) )

Final Words and Should You Buy It: After a less-than-well-received set for the first Spidey movie, Columbia has rebounded strong and given fans a much more satisfying collection this time around, with a lot of cool pieces and fascinating material, all accompanying a terrific presentation of the movie. As a lifelong fan of the character, I'm very pleased to see Spidey be given a DVD release worthy of both the quality of the films and the history of the character. Feel no qualms about snatching up this set on Tuesday. Highly recommended.

Not Rules, Just Please Dos and Please Do Nots...

Working at the box office at a major movie theatre, you begin to see...patterns. Patterns of behavior, things people seem to do a lot, little things which, when added up, make for much longer lines at the box office and much longer waits for our customers and much more stressful days at work. Ergo, what follows is not a list of instructions or demands, merely observations and suggested guidelines, ones that, if followed, would make buying tickets a much smoother experience, and one which would be done a lot quicker. (This is not directed at anyone actually reading this blog, but rather at the moviegoing audience in general. I've never had a problem with y'all. I just needed to vent about some of these, and this is my forum of venting. I also thought you guys might find it funny...)

-Please DO educate yourself on the movies before you come to the theatre. There are many, MANY outlets from which you can find out what the plot of a movie is. The internet, newspapers, TV shows, friends' comments, etc. These are all readily available to the general public and provide excellent information - much better than we at the box office can provide in a quick two-second description. Also, if you must ask about a particular movie, please DO NOT wait until we are very busy, get in line, arrive at the desk, and hold up everyone else while you ask, "What's 'The Alamo' about?"

-Please DO have your money, or at least your wallet, out by the time you get up to the counter. If you have a decent idea of how much your order of tickets is going to cost, have roughly that amount of cash ready, or your credit card. Nothing brings the line to a screeching halt quicker than someone who reaches the desk, tells us exactly what movie they're seeing and how many tickets they need, and then takes a couple minutes to dig their cash out of their purse or pocket.

-An addendum - please DO have your I.D., be it driver's license or whatever, in an easily accessible place, in case we need to see it. I always wonder about people who have their license buried so deep in their handbag or wallet that they can't find it. I mean, I'm just the guy at the ticket counter, I admit, but what would these people do if a cop stopped them on the road, and they spent the next, say, two minutes or so digging through old receipts and used Kleenex trying to find the single most important piece of identification they own?

-Please DO NOT tell us, yet again, how high the prices are. We know. We can't do anything about it. We're just the cashiers, we aren't management, we don't set the prices. Nothing drains a soul quicker than hearing for the 200th time in an evening how outrageous the ticket prices are and how we should be ashamed of ourselves. In most cases, we're making in an hour less than you're spending for just one of those tickets, okay? So either don't buy the tickets or gripe with your friends once you're out of earshot.

-If you are planning on using a pass of some sort to see the movie, please DO tell us you are using one before we ring up your tickets. There are separate buttons on our console for tickets that are paid for in cash, and tickets purchased using passes. When you say, "two tickets," and we ring up two tickets in cash, and then you hand us two passes, we have to abort that order and re-enter your order in as passes. This takes time. And when there's a long line, time means an even longer line. So please, let us know and the whole thing will go much quicker.

-When you arrive and ask for tickets, and we tell you, "Sorry, the show is sold out," please DO NOT respond, "You're kidding!" EVERYONE responds like that. It's not like we'd tell you that the show is sold out just for kicks. We're NEVER kidding.

-If you're coming in a big group to see a movie, please DO gather everyone's cash and place one big order for tickets, as opposed to 20 one-person orders. We know it takes a little time to figure out how much everyone will owe. But that's better than taking 10 minutes of the line's time by all coming up individually and ordering one ticket at a time. It takes FOREVER, and the same thing could be accomplished by just taking a little forethought and buying it all in one lump sum.

-If you have kids, please DO NOT give the kids the cash so they can order the tickets themselves. We know you think it's cute. It's not. All that happens is that the kid just stands there with the cash, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, and saying nothing until you tell us what movie you're seeing. Kids eventually reach an age where they can speak for themselves. Until that age is reached, please don't hold up everyone else so your little boy or girl can hold some money.

-If you have a cell phone, please DO hang it up before coming up to the desk. This just seems like common courtesy, but you'd be amazed how many people think nothing of coming up and placing their order while they keep on blathering away with their buddy. Hey, I'm here. I'm a living, breathing person in front of you. I'd appreciate being treated like one for a few seconds. Even if it's as simple as, "Hey, hang on a sec, I gotta order tickets," and putting the phone down while dealing with us, we'd really appreciate it. Your friend will wait. They're your friend, after all.

-Please DO NOT come up and ask a question while we're taking an order from another customer. Again, this is just plain rude. I personally try to never even acknowledge someone trying to butt in on a transaction until I'm finished dealing with the person at my register. Unless your problem is something like, "Hey, my boyfriend just spontaneously combusted and I need a glass of water," it can wait the 10 seconds it will take for us to finish our current customer's order. Then we'll be happy to help.

-Please DO NOT assume that I know you're over 60 and get a senior discount. I make it a point never to assume that, unless the person in front of me looks like George Burns' older brother. Ergo, I will ring you up as a normal ticket unless otherwise directed. At the same time, please DO assume, if you look even remotely young, that I will ask for I.D. to make sure you're 17 or older if you're seeing an R rated movie. Do not take it as an insult. We're required to do it by law. And I am a very bad guesser of ages. So, I ask pretty much everyone. I figure it's better safe than sorry.

-Please DO tell me the title of the movie you're seeing. It's hilarious, really, how many people make it up to us, tell us in exacting detail how many tickets they need and what ages everyone is, and then just stand there and apparently assume that we will know what movie they're seeing through telekinesis. We have 18 screens at our theatre, folks, please specify.

-And finally, please DO remember to take your tickets with ya before you leave. The tickets are the whole point of coming up to the desk. And yet maybe a quarter of the people who come up start to walk away without taking them. I'm tempted sometimes to not say anything, just to see if they'll make it all the way to the usher. Please remember them next time.

Again, not rules, just requests. Please heed them, world, and I promise the lines will move much quicker the next time you visit our little theatre.

(BTW, stay tuned tomorrow...got a cool surprise for y'all!)

Friday, November 26, 2004

A Few Thanksgiving Thoughts...

-My own personal Turkey day is complete. Fresh hot turkey with the folks (albiet a LITTLE bit dry, but I'm kinda used to that) at lunchtime, cold turkey on bread with Miracle Whip at the end of the day. Nothing better, man. You can have your alcohol, tobacco or whatever. Go ahead. All I need is my turkey fix, and I'm a happy man.

-Peyton Manning is a monster. Settled in to watch the Thanksgiving football game this afternoon with dad (one of the few times I get to watch the game with him), to see Manning completely dissect the Detroit Lions and throw SIX touchdown passes in the game. The scary part is, they took him out near the end of the THIRD QUARTER. All that in under 45 minutes of playing time. I mean, geez, this guy is a machine. He's sitting at 7 away from tying the all-time record for TD passes in a season, and there's 5 games to go. Major ups to Peyton for an amazing year, and also for stealing all the MVP thunder away from Terrell "Look at me! I'm doing a new dance! Look at me!" Owens. (Yep, sorry, I don't like the guy. No offense to anyone else on his team, and I like Donovan McNabb a lot, but Owens...man, I don't like that guy.)

-How much does ESPN Classic's show "Cheap Seats" wanna be like its obvious inspiration/target of rip-off, MST3K? This much - today, they did an all-day marathon of it. Hmm, a show that mocks older footage with running commentary, having an all-day marathon on Thanksgiving. Sound familiar? I've only been able to stomach the show for a minute or so at a time, and given its far-more mean spirited, low-brow, and unfunny remarks, and given its hosts, who have the same effect on me as fingernails on a chalkboard, I can safely say this: Gentlemen, I know MST3K, I've watched MST3K, and you, sirs, are NO MST3K. Shelve the all-day marathon and leave the MSTing to the big boys.

-BTW, I was able to have a little MST3K Turkey Day marathon of my own, watching "Werewolf" and "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" at my home tonight, since I got off work early. Very fun. And now we head for the season - time to start making lists and checking them twice...betcha Mom wants perfume again... :)

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Turkey Day!

Just a quick one as I write on this late Thursday evening, in the wee hours of what is actually my favorite holiday. It just seems like such a quintessential American holiday - on the Fourth, we celebrate our independence, but on Thanksgiving, I feel, we celebrate our essence. Fellowship, family, coming together despite our differences and sharing a meal in the name of friendship. And, of course, it means eating gobs and gobs of turkey, the greatest food ever created. Yee haw!

Hope you all have a marvelous Thanksgiving, and catch you all on the flip side...

-Jeff

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

QnD Review: Ray

Went with the lovely and talented Heather Waterfield and saw this one this evening, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Everything you hear about Jamie Foxx's work is true - he so embodies the spirit and physical presence of the man that you stop relating to him as an actor and simply think of him as Ray himself. When he sings, the lip synching is spot-on, and his movements are not mere imitation, but pure performance emulation. Really great stuff. And the film does not shy away from dealing head-on with the more negative aspects of Charles - his heroin addiction, his womanizing, occasional poor treatment of friends - it's all here, and the movie doesn't make excuses for who he was, it simply demonstrates how it was part of a life story, one which Charles did make it out of on the other side, triumphant. The film suffers from the typical biopic trap of trying to say too much - can any one life be summed up in only three hours? - and as a result, the movie seems to end well before it can give dramatic closure to a lot of the storylines it begins. But on the whole, it is a very well told story featuring an amazing performance, and is well worth seeing.

Monday, November 22, 2004

3D has moved...

I decided I didn't like the 3D's being posted here on the main page, as it just seemed like something that was breaking up the rhythm of the page, and I realized that some folks might find it a distraction. If I could, I would post them to their own section of the blog, off the main page, but Blogspot doesn't seem to allow creation of separate files. Ergo, I've decided to move the 3Ds to a currently unused space - my old Xanga journal, available right here. I'll still be updating daily, to keep myself honest, but now those of you who aren't necessarily interested in my dietary updates don't have to read them. But I'm still committed to the idea, and I'll keep updating the Xanga site daily. (I added the link to the sidebar for easy access, as well.) And once again, thank you all very much for your support!

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Good vs. Bad

So, we take the ups with the downs in life. No positive can come without an equal and opposite negative. Think of it as the Optimistic Pessimism response to Newton's Third Law of Motion. So, for everything I will say in this post, I will balance it with an appropriate counter-weight, either positive or negative. You will come away from this series of observations decidedly neutral about the state of the universe.


BAD: Didn't get job I so wanted up in Toledo. As a result, am still currently in employment limbo.

GOOD: Still employed at theatre, getting a lot of hours now, also can still treat all my friends to movies. So, call! :)


GOOD: Busy weekend means more hours to come, in addition to the many I got this week.

BAD: Missing both Comedy of Errors and John Serve's show in Chicago because of that same work. Arrgh...


BAD: Still have no car, loss of personal freedom driving me batty.

GOOD: As a result, still borrowing my mom's car when she's not using it. Car has working heat, defrost and windows, and the radiator doesn't leak, which puts it at least four up on my last car.


BAD: Many hours at work means I have hugely aching feet from standing on them so long.

GOOD: Many hours at work means much money, which means I now also have the first DVD set of both Batman: The Animated Series and Taxi. :)


BAD: I'm not seeing a lot of my friends as much as I'd like.

GOOD: I'm not seeing them because they're uber-busy doing wicked cool things like being involved in an Eva show (yay Caitlin, Jessica, Amanda and the whole cast!!!), being united with someone they've been waiting a year to be with (yay Heather!!!) or becoming Miss Northwestern Ohio (yay again, Abby!!!).


GOOD: Metal Gear Solid 3.

BAD: Having no time to play it.


BAD: Ugly brawl at the Palace this weekend involving NBA players puts a black mark on all of sports.

GOOD: Gives talking heads on ESPN something other to obsess over than the Desperate Housewives incident on Monday Night Football.


BAD: Second term.

GOOD: Gridlock on needed 9/11 reforms indicates forthcoming stalemate of public policy, despite supposedly unified Republican government, giving me a bit of schadenfreude-ish glee. (This makes me a bitter and bad person, I think. For now, I'm dealing with it.)


BAD: My brother's favorite NASCAR driver, Dale Earnhardt Jr., didn't win the cup.

GOOD: Personally, I don't give a damn about NASCAR.


GOOD: Frank Cho's uber-comics babe Brandy will soon be immortalized in clay via a statue being done by renowned sculptor Clayburn Moore. I ain't as big a Liberty Meadows fan as everyone else around BG, but I know a hot woman when I see one, and Cho's creation is indeed that.

BAD: The current status of the sculptures, as posted on Cho's website,completely negates this image by making Brandy look like a cross between Dolly Parton and Yul Brenner.


(Personal note of triumph - notice I got through this entire post without once referencing the "Facts of Life" theme song, though that opening sentence is a little too close to the "Nottingham"song from the animated "Robin Hood" for my taste...)

3D - 11/21/04

No breakfast, Tendercrisp Chicken Combo for lunch, small bag of beef jerky for snack, four slices of pizza and two breadsticks from Pizza Hut for dinner (not proud of that), bowl of Apple Jacks for midnight snack.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Coffee? Tea? Green Mile Martini?

Got a look at the Chatters' lounge at work, and it looks like a really nice place (not that I'D eat there, given the prices), but in looking at the menu, I found that my esteemed employers apparently felt obligated to stick with the motif of their main business in naming the drinks on sale. To wit, the bar offers the following, amongst others:

The Fatal Attraction Mojito
Old School Pina Colada
Ferris Bueller's Margarita
Chicago Cosmo
Jason Voorhees Bloody Mary
Green Mile Martini
Goldfinger Infusion
Royal Tenenbaums Manhattan

Oh, that's not all. Among the other drinks offered (ones without additional qualifiers) are the following movie-themed drinks: Mad Max, The Blob, Used Cars, The Longest Yard (Long Island Iced Tea), Cast Away, Love at First Bite, Moonraker, Johnny Dangerously, The Godfather, Weird Science, Blazing Saddles, Up in Smoke...

But enough. I have only touched the tip of this marketing iceberg. (Speaking of icebergs, there's even a "Titanic.") I will only offer one more example: Absolut Raspberry, mixed with Apple Pucker and Grapefruit Juice. Name? "The Goonies."

I, for one, will never look at the Truffle Shuffle the same way again.

3D - 11/20/04

Croissanwich and OJ from BK for breakfast, Almond Boneless Chicken, Rice and Gravy, and Diet Coke for lunch, Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich and Diet Coke for Dinner, bowl of Apple Jacks for midnight snack.

The Atkins Question

Just wanna take a moment to respond to the lovely and talented Lindsey Ruehl's question about my attempt to lose weight...why not Atkins? Because, well, my goal is not a DIET, but an ongoing attempt to permanently change my eating habits for the better. If my goal was simply to lose weight, sure, Atkins would be an easy out (though its long-term health risks are still relatively unexplored, and as such the program seems pretty dangerous to me), but I don't simply want to be thinner. I want to be healthier. Simply cutting carbs out of my diet and dropping tons of weight will not do that. For that, I need to gradually ease my way into a dietary existence which I can devote myself to for the rest of my life, as well as an extended exercise regimen. Ergo, the listing of the 3Ds here on the site is not to demonstrate how little I'm eating now...in fact, the amount of what I eat will gradually decrease over time. It is merely to give myself the knowledge that my bad habit is not done in a vacuum - it will be posted for all to see, and hopefully that will further inspire me to monitor what I'm putting in my body.

I'll never be thin, I know that. But I want to be as slim and healthy as I can be. Because if I can't control this - my one true addiction - how can I ever really control anything else?

3D Update and Another Update

Got off work early so I can add two things before I go to bed...

1. Along with the Tendercrisp Chicken I had at BK, I also got fries. Sorry, moment of weakness.

2. I didn't get the job I've been applying for the past few weeks. Long story, but disappointing nonetheless. *shrug* Just have to keep digging...

Friday, November 19, 2004

Daily Dietary Developments - or 3D, for short

Well, I've got a big weekend ahead of me at work, just long enough to introduce a new feature on here that is of no interest to anyone but me. (So what else is new?)

See...I wanna change things. So much of my life feels out of control right now that I really wanna make things better. I don't like who and what I am. It's time I started taking responsibility for myself, and my place in life. There's so much more I could be, and I'm not. Ergo, we're taking baby steps to change things around.

First thing: my weight. The past year, I have completely forgone trying to eat even remotely healthy, and as a result, I'm bigger than I have ever been. I don't like that at all. I need to get this under control, or it will kill me, I know it. I just haven't cared - until now. This all changes now. So, my first step to changing things lies here. From this day forward, I will list everything I eat in a day in a small summary I'm cleverly calling Daily Dietary Developments, or 3d to keep it short. The idea is simple - if all my friends know what I'm eating, and how much of it I'm eating, it'll inspire me to keep my intake down to normal levels. When the exercise comes in, as well, that'll be listed, too.

I'm serious about this. I will never, ever, lie about what is listed in the 3D. You, my friends, should feel under no obligation to read this section of the Blog - this is for me. I promise I'll keep it short and confined to it's own section. But this is something I think I need. And thank you all for being there for me.

Okay, first 3D:
Sausage Croissanwich and OJ from BK for breakfast. Grilled chicken sandwich and bowl of clam chowder for lunch. For dinner, planning on Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich and diet Coke from BK, and a bowl of Raisin Bran as a midnight snack.

Y'all won't hear from me until late tomorrow, probably - work is pretty loaded until Saturday night. Wish me luck...

Thursday, November 18, 2004

DVD Review: strongbad_email.exe: the first hundred strong bad emails

So, I've decided to start doing DVD reviews on here as well, just to broaden the reviewing palate a little. Notice that I try like mad not to review the film or series (or, in this case, web toon) in question (I assume you know that, if I've gone out of my way to buy the thing, you can guess I like it), unless it is a Director's Cut with added footage, so that a comparison must be made between the two. Rather, my goal is to review the DVD itself - even if you like the original, is it worth buying the DVD? The commentaries good? The extra features interesting? And so on.

In this case, our first review is a monster, the newly released 3-disc set of the first 100 Strong Bad e-mails from HomestarRunner.com. To steal a line, for those of you familiar with HR, no explanation is necessary, and for those of you who aren't, no explanation will do. So let's just get to work on the DVD set itself.

Da Flick and How It Looks: So, this DVD is made up almost completely with Flash cartoons originally posted to the web. Not unreasonably, I assumed they'd look like cr*p translated to a normal television screen. Well, color me not only shocked, but amazed at how good the cartoons look. I mean, this puts a LOT of the regular animated series you see on TV to shame. The colors are bright and vibrant, the movements relatively crisp (if jumpy, but come on, it's HR), the image is sharp and clear as a bell. I mean, I don't know if they re-did the cartoons for the DVD or what, but they look WAY better than they ever did on my computer, at least. Mega-kudos for an excellent transfer, especially given the source material.

The amazing transfer extends to each e-mail's original easter eggs and features, which you'd assume would be difficult if not impossible to capture on DVD. Well, you'd be wrong, as almost everything you could find on the web versions of these toons is indeed preserved here for posterity. Everything that was accessible after the cartoon was over is easy as pie to get to...when the paper prints out at the end of each toon, just hit the down button three times while on one of the menu choices (typically "next"), and a Strong Bad mask will pop up. Click it, and the Easter Egg will play for ya. In the case of multiple eggs, just hit the down button on another menu option, and that'll pop up, too.

But what about the smaller eggs, the ones that you can click on during the toon? Again, they've got it covered. Simply hit the "angle" button on your remote when you usually would click on those words or images, and the original egg will pop up as it did on the Web. This is truly an ingenious solution to what I thought would be an impossible problem. Now, granted, not EVERYTHING is here - none of the games can be played on a DVD player, obviously, as well as the downloadable songs and whatnot. But that's picking nits - how much of the original material IS on here is truly remarkable, and demonstrates just how much of a labor of love this set really was.

As far as sound...what are you expecting, a Dolby 5.1 mix or something? Sounds are sharp and crisp, but nothing special, and the commentaries are noticeably quieter than the cartoons, which is a little odd, but otherwise everything is just fine.

Da Commentaries and Are They Worth Hearing: Considering that we've got 100 short 'toons to deal with, you can't expect commentary on every one of them, but Matt and Mike Chapman, the brains behind this operation, give it the old college try, recording commentary tracks for (by my count) 44 of 'em! These are called "hidden" commentaries, since they're not listed on the main menu, but they're not hard to get to at all - just click the "audio" button on your remote and there they are. To save you time (and to demonstrate what a geek I really am), here are all the toons that (as far as I know) have commentary on them:

Some Kinda Robot, Homestar Hair, Depressio, Halloweener, I Rule, Stand-Up, Cartoon, CGNU, Superhero Name, 12:00, Sugarbob, Flag Day, Guitar, Invisibility, Lures and Jigs, Techno, Your Friends, New Hands, Ghosts, Island, Comic, Japanese Cartoon, Dragon, Marzipan, Monster Truck, Fingers, The Show, Caper, Personal Favorites, Crazy Cartoon, Funny, Suntan, Anything, Stunt Double, Date, Kids' Book, No Loafing, Mile, Local News, Army, Video Games, The Bet, Different Town, Flashback.

For the most part, though, the commentaries are just kinda there. Some interesting facts about the history of the site and the toons aside, seems like a lot of the time the guys just can't think of anything to say, and then when they do, the toon's almost over and they have to rush to get it in. The monotony is broken up by visits from the characters via Matt, and a cool bit where they play the original TMBG sound file from "Different Town," but on the whole, the commentaries don't add too much.

Da Extras and How Many Do You Get: Coming from the guys who can't seem to do anything half-way, you'd expect this to be a packed DVD set, extras-wise, and you'd be right. We start right away with the wicked-cool 3-D computer animated menus, which cannot help but bring a smile to any fan's face. Strong Bad and company never looked so good. (And make sure you wait a while before selecting anything - each menu has some extra funny animation if you wait long enough!)

Disc 1 features not one, not two, but THREE unreleased e-mails, and truth be told, they're not too bad at all, though in most cases elements from them contributed to better e-mails down the road. "Greeting Cards," from the early days judging by the computer, is Strong Bad introducing a series of cards to sympathetically express to someone hard-to-bring-up topics, like how bad a filmmaker they are. Pretty funny. "E-mail Birds" is SB answering a buncha e-mails in rapid fashion (which later became the classic "Spring Cleaning"), then treating himself to a game of his favorite text-based adventure (which naturally became Dungeonman in "Video Games"). In "Videro Games," Strong Bad argues for all the good things video games have brought to out society, including bad grammar. Again, pretty funny, but similar ideas were examined later. Next in the extras we get "Intros," a montage of pretty much every e-mail intro song SB has ever done, and "Scroll Button Songs," which does the same for the E-mail menu songs, including ones which are well past the 100th e-mail.

Disc 2 keeps it up with 4 different Karaoke videos of popular HR songs, "Trogdor," "Nite Mamas" (by Limozeen), "Dangeresque,"and "Fhqwhgads," each accompanied by traditional Karaoke cheesy background footage and generic-sounding instrumentals. Then you get a pair of music videos from the Strong Bad Sings album - "Secret Song" (which if you didn't know was a few minutes after the end of the last song on the CD), as performed by the Homestar puppet, and "Moving Very Slowly," by Taranchula. Good stuff.

Disc 3 has most of what you'd call "Behind the Scenes" material, though there's not much that actually gets into how the toons are made. First you get "Some Puppet Stuff," a screen-test with the HR puppet chatting with Mike. "Making of Email 100" is just what it sounds like, a fast-motion video of the making of the toon, which condenses all the work into about 3 minutes. Again, pretty cool, but I woulda liked something more in-depth. Then it's "Sample of Style," the title of which has no relation to the content of the video - it's a doc on how Matt does the voices. According to this, they have secret tubes (looking uncannily like paper towel tubes) which Matt talks into and the voice comes out. Really funny. "The Cheatar" is another fast-motion video, documenting the construction of the oversized guitar that was displayed at the R&R HOF this year. "Sketchbook" is a 7-minute piece where they show off some more of the ideas which didn't quite make it, and then you get "3-D Menu Tests," early footage of the DVD's menus, complete with SB commentary. Just really cool stuff all around.

Final Words and Should You Buy It: What, are you kidding? Strong Bad never looked or sounded so good as it does on here, and for those of us with less-than-stellar net connections, it's an amazing upgrade. This is an incredible set, filled to the brim with stuff (both original and brand new), and at only 29.95 before shipping, it's an absolute steal, to boot. The guys at the site have been working on this for a long time, and kept saying "we're adding more to it so you'll like it more," and in the end, they succeeded. Boy howdy, did they succeed. Highest recommendation.

Buy it where? Riiiiiiight....here!

To Strive, To Seek, To Find

"Come, my friends,
‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are:
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."
-"Ulysses," by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Watching the final season of "Frasier" today with my brother, I was reminded of this poem, which Frasier reads during the final moments of his final show. I've actually thought about it a lot lately. How applicable these words are to...well...everything, in all our lives. How we all strive to touch those happy isles of our dreams. And how seldom we do, or appreciate them when we can.

My life has been spent in pursuit of dreams, some attainable, most not. But in any case, far too often, fear has caused me to yield. So far, I look back and see only regrets. I can only hope as I live and grow, I can overcome my fears and truly begin to strive, to seek, and to find whatever it is I am looking for.

(Found MGS3 at GameStop and recieved the Strong Bad DVD set in the mail, BTW. Full reviews when I've had a chance to go through them. :) )

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Check the hip new addition to the sidebar...

A little messing around with my template gives me a links section of my very own. Neat, huh? It's small for now, I admit, but those were the most readily available blog addys I could find. If there's anyone I've forgotten who wants to get on there, just let me know and I'll link to ya!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Top 10 of the First 100...

In anticipation of the arrival of the Strong Bad DVD set, and to serve as an introduction to some of my friends who may not be as familiar with HomestarRunner.com, here's a list of my 10 favorite SB emails from that first 100, in chronological order. (Okay, I did it for fun, too...)

#22 - sb_e-mail22
Strong Bad offends the entire country of Great Britain. The irony of me seeing this for the first time while hanging out with Heather one day, and that the e-mailer's name is Mark, still makes me chuckle.

#24 - the bird
Strong Bad shows how you can flip people off even with boxing gloves. Origin of "the Double Deuce." Short but sweet.

#42 - action figure
Strong Bad describes his perfect action figure. This makes it 'cuz Cool Action Figure Strong Bad was in the BGSU Rumble last year.

#43 - little questions
A Swedish fan writes in with some little questions. "For Viklas. Hi?" A personal favorite.

#57 - japanese cartoon
What would Strong Bad look like as a Japanese cartoon character? "Then there's my mouth. Really small when closed. Ridiculously huge when it's open." Classic.

#58 - dragon
Strong Bad draws a dragon. Origin of (duh) TROGDOR!!!!

#68 - caper
Strong Bad and The Cheat haven't gotten along much lately. Origin of my favorite SB song, "The Cheat is Not Dead!"

#80 - stunt double
Strong Bad NEEDS no stunt double. Origin of Strong Bad's classic film,"Dangeresque 2: This Time, It's Not Dangeresque 1."

#93 - army
Strong Badia faces the invading forces of the Homestarmy. The loss of Bendetto is one of the funniest things ever.

#94 - video games
What would Strong Bad be like in a video game? Two cool things: first, the parody of text-based adventures is dead-on, and second, you can actually play all of the games!

Lots more classic stuff, natch, but these are the ones I'd show to someone who wanted to know what the hey this was all about. Have fun!

It's all my fault, apparently...

BTW, another shout-out to my dear amiga Abby, reigning Miss Northwestern Ohio, who if you didn't know, has now opened a blog of her own:

http://missnorthwesternohio.blogspot.com/

Go and check it out! Leave her a message of congratulations! Tell her Jeff sent ya!

Where Oh Where Has My MGS 3 Gone?

So, I decide to bite the bullet and go ahead and buy the game this afternoon, since I am gonna be stranded at home for the next week anyway, and I need something to kill the time with. So, I grab my Best Buy Bucks (one of the benefits of eating at McDonald's...come to think of it, perhaps the only benefit of eating at McDonald's), 50 bucks from my brother so I can pick up the final season of Frasier for him (and thankfully they've already announced that season 4 will be released on February 1st...I'd hate for my favorite sitcom of all time to have some of its classic episodes unaccounted for), and head to Toledo.

Finding Frasier was a piece of cake. But when I went looking for MGS 3, it turned out to be a little more than a piece of cake. Maybe a half a cake. Or a piece of fried chicken. Anyway, there was this big hole in the game display where the "M"s were, and I got a bad feeling, thinking that they may have sold out already. So I head to ask a friendly member of the sales staff to confirm my worst fears, and then find out that they haven't sold out at all. In fact, they hadn't even gotten the game in yet. They were expecting them tomorrow. This confused me, naturally, but I did some checking around and it wasn't just Best Buy - everybody apparently was getting their games in tomorrow. I have no idea if this was a Konami problem, a shipping problem, or what, but the announced release date was the 16th, so who knows. Anyway, it's a game I've been waiting on for over 3 years, so I'm not sweating one more day.

Two more days, though, that'll suck. :)

Monday, November 15, 2004

Lots of stuff...

-First things first...mega, huge, colossal congratulations to the lovely and talented miss Abby Bollenbacher for being named Miss Northwestern Ohio over the weekend! Congrats, my dear friend, and if anyone I knew was going to be representing my entire geographic area at Miss Ohio, I definitely would choose you. Way to go!

(Wanna read more about it? Gotcha covered.)

-Okay, you take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both, and there you have, the facts of life. So, I've been working every day since Wednesday, with shifts as short as 5 hours, and as long as my double on Friday, lasting about 12 or so. You work that long, things start to wear on you. But, the pain goes away on payday, right? Well not exactly...

First of all, the remodeling at the place is almost finished, and now there are new display screens at the box office for the movie times, plus a plasma screen TV in the middle to show stuff on. Problem number one, on the first day they used them, they were showing trailers. As in, YEAR OLD trailers. "Elf," "Something's Gotta Give," "Timeline," "Mona Lisa Smile," etc. Then, they decided to just show a movie on there, so they put on A Bug's Life. And played it continuously all weekend. Now, this didn't bother me so much, as it's Pixar, and I love Pixar, and up front the sound was off, so it didn't affect my transactions too much, and it was a cool new touch.

The big problem was the cash in my drawer. Now, I've prided myself on always being one of the best people at money - my drawer is almost always dead-on or very close. But starting on Thursday, something weird started happening with my cash counts. I ended up being way off - like 15 bucks or so - cumulatively for the whole day. Now, I'd been having some bizarre computer problems during the day, as well, so I ascribed it to that, but I was still emotionally shaken up. (I take my work seriously - too seriously, I admit.) The next day, another long shift, and another big discrepancy in my drawer...this time, $10 over. I'm getting seriously worried.

Then comes Saturday, and the fit hits the shan. I pick up my nice-sized paycheck from the previous week, and order the Strong Bad e-mail set, as I've been waiting to do. Then comes my shift, a relatively short one from 4-10:30. The day, all told, is looking up. Then the hammer falls - my store's head manager does my drawer, and tells me I'm $100 dollars under.

This breaks me. I tell her I have no explanation. I have no idea how to deal with this. Without elaboration, I'll just say that my manager's words to me didn't exactly make me want to go out and dance a jig. The whole encounter leaves me very upset, wondering if I'm gonna lose my job. I go home, on the way calling Jeanine and Mel, talking to them about everything and trying to reason out what's happening, and how to deal with it when I go into work the next morning, for another grueling shift, 10 hours. I sit at home and spend the night an emotional wreck. I cannot lose my job. I cannot have that kind of black mark on me, especially not while I'm looking for something better.

So I go in at 10, ready for anything from working a full shift to being fired. I go up to two of my managers and ask them what happened with my report. Neither of them seems to have any idea. Finally, one of them goes back and looks at the previous day's reports and tells me that it turns out that another cashier was $100 over. Guess they swapped some cash for change and I didn't get the money back. So, everything was okay.

I'm still a little upset. I spent a night fussing over an issue which was settled pretty much by the time I got home. I just wish someone would have called me...

The next day, BTW, I had a nearly-perfect drawer once again. So there. :)

-Matt's excited about Frasier: the Final Season coming out on DVD tomorrow. I'm excited because tomorrow is Metal Gear Solid 3 day, though I'm not sure if I'll pick it up tomorrow or wait for the weekend (I have an order I wanna place with the MST3K info club, which would run about as much, so I'm waffling). For the Adult Swim folks, there's also the Aqua Teen Hunger Force's third set.

-Saw a commercial hyping the Seinfeld DVD sets as "the most anticipated DVD of all time." Uh-huh. Sure. You bet. Betcha the Star Wars geeks are all over them for that one.

-Hoping to head to Heather's place to watch the TNA PPV with her mom tomorrow. (Diane's a big fan of Kevin Nash, one of the few things about the woman which I don't love unconditionally.) Mark arrives on Wednesday, so I figure the place will be plenty hectic that day even without me around (not that being there would be much of a possibility anyway, what with the current "no car" situation). Not gonna lie and say that his arrival doesn't hurt a little, but I am happy for Heather, and I am glad to know that this whole waiting situation will finally be over for her. And really, I'm feeling fine. My emotional state is a far cry from a year ago, when nothing seemed to be right with me. I'm not good yet, but I'm on track, and getting better. Good enough to know that my best friend is about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime, and that ultimately, I'll always be there to cheer for her, no matter what. Have fun, mi amiga, and never hesitate to tell that guy that I think he's the luckiest b*stard alive.

Or, if you have given him this URL and he reads me, I just told him myself. :)

R.I.P. Compy 386

There's a lot of things to talk about today, and maybe I'll get to 'em later. But for now, I must commemorate the end of an era...

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail118.html

Good-bye, my friend. We'll always have DELETED!!!!

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Q'n'D Review: Walking Tall

Methinks I'll keep this up, if there are no objections, as I'd like to sharpen my critical muse a bit, just to see if it hasn't atrophied. And I'll keep 'em short, honest. Much like this movie, The Rock's recent remake of the Joe Don Baker classic (well, as much as anything with Joe Don Baker can be labeled a classic - and no, I don't feel sorry for taking a shot at him, however weak - any guy who openly claimed he was gonna beat up the members of the MST3K staff for doing one of his movies gets no sympathy from me).

Anyway, nothing really offensive here. It's not horrible, but it sure ain't good, either. Just way too short to be anything substantial in either direction. Its depiction (hell, endorsement) of vigilante justice is a little bit unsettling, but hardly the call to arms the original seemed to be to some of its audiences. Here, it just reads like a standard revenge fable, and it starts, goes, and stops without doing much memorable, in either direction. I didn't regret watching it, nor do I want to see it again.

The movie does feature the single most ridiculous courtroom scene in a good long while (you kinda have to see it), but even that doesn't garner that much of a reaction. On the plus side, the Rock is growing as an actor and screen presence, and it's pretty clear that he's got the chops to be a really big star, if he gets the roles. (He may have one already - people in advance screenings are giving him raves for his turn in "Be Cool," the "Get Shorty" sequel.) His best performance, and best film, is still "The Rundown," but he leaves the forgettable "Walking Tall" pretty much unscathed.

Q'n'D Review: The Incredibles

One more before the evening is out, as I went with my bro and the lovely and talented Heather Waterfield to see this one this evening. I remarked to my brother that even before it came out, I had really been hoping that this one went through the roof, to claim from Shrek 2 the title of "most successful animated comedy of all time" (I REALLY don't like Shrek, sorry). Now that I've seen the film, I don't think that's possible, because I don't think what the fine folks at Pixar have done is really a comedy.

The Incredibles, amazingly, straddles quite well the genres of action-adventure and family entertainment, creating a film that feels almost without precedent. This is not just another superhero satire, this is a film that tries - really tries - to place its superheroes in a realistic modern context. Now, I'm not sure the film really is sure about what it wants to say about the scenario it sets up (what are we to read of the fact that frivolous lawsuits are what drives Mr. Incredible out of business?), but it certainly tries to position this story much more in the real world than any of its previous productions. (I realize it's weird to say that about a superhero movie, but we're speaking relatively, here.)

In addition, the movie is jam-packed with action, and this ain't like G.I. Joe where the makers try to cop out by having people mysteriously survive by parachuting out at the last second. This is a movie that deals headlong with the danger its characters are in, and the end result is way more gritty and serious about its action than I ever would have expected. This isn't an innocuous fable like Finding Nemo, it's alot more straight-faced film, about what it would be like to be in a society where these kind of people exist, and the ramifications of being one.

Not to say that it's a downer, not at all. The film has plenty of laughs, and it's impossible to not wear a silly grin while you're watching it. But it definitely carries itself with a more adult tone than any of Pixar's previous outings - the action is slam-bang, the issues it deals with are treated fairly seriously, and there are more than a few flat-out innuendos thrown in, for good measure. This is not Pixar's best film (Toy Story 2 and Nemo still hold that place in my heart), but it makes a definite statement - the best animation studio on the market is quite deliberately (and successfully) expanding its boundaries.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Quick 'N Dirty Movie Review: The Polar Express

Snuck in and saw this one this afternoon after getting off work, and it's pretty good. The visuals are amazingly well done - I don't know if they had the chance to tweak the animation seen in the trailer, which looked considerably less convincing, or whether it all looks better in its own context, but as far as visual style, the movie works and works very well. So well that I completely gave up on all the visual trickery (such as the fact that Tom Hanks, through texture and movement mapping technology, plays pretty much every major character, from the unnamed hero to the conductor to the hobo to Santa himself) and just was able to enjoy the story on its own merits. The story has a few overdone contrivances (the flight of the lost ticket, while amazingly well done on a visual level, is also astoundingly over-the-top) and annoyances (the know-it-all boy, who's supposed to be annoying, is somehow moreso - no doubt because he's played by, of all people, Eddie Deezen), but as a charming holiday fantasy, it works.

(Review over, rant ahead.)

And it works even BETTER if you haven't seen the darn trailer which pretty much gives away everything. Man, I'm getting tired of Zemekis' trailers surrendering the entire plot of the film before you even see it. (SPOILER ALERT! DO NOT READ FURTHER UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN THE FILM!) From that trailer, I was able to successfully deduce that not only do they get to the North Pole A-OK, but that they do meet Santa Claus, and that Santa gives the hero a bell, and that the kid finds the bell in his presents, to assure him that the adventure was real. All of this, THE ENTIRE ENDING of the story, given away before it had been seen by anyone. And this ain't the first time this has happened with a Zemekis film trailer - anyone remember the Cast Away trailer, which gave away the fact that he made it home?

I know why it's like this - Zemekis has said in interviews that he makes sure that trailers are structured like that, because research says that the majority modern audiences like to know what they're seeing before they even set foot in the theatre. Maybe so, but the majority of modern audiences made Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" the best-selling song of all time, and gave Bush a second term - popular sure doesn't mean right, to steal a line from Penn and Teller. His unfortunate tendency to give the game away months before the movie comes out comes from the instinct of a salesman, not of a storyteller - the former cares only about the product, the latter cares only about the effect it has on his audience, like a poker player who holds onto his Aces until he's damn ready to use them. This rant is made mostly out of irritation than out of anger - Zemekis is SUCH a good filmmaker that it really irks me that his instincts in the area are so wrong for what should be his main goal.

I remember seeing a movie called The Shawshank Redemption. It tanked at the box office. But the film is now legend, because its surprises were left for the audience to discover. And discover them they did, as they were meant to - by seeing the film themselves. Box office results will fade. The power of a good story well told lives on. Which would you prefer?

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Thoughts and stuff...

A few random musings, whatever comes to mind as I type...

-I miss MST3K. We're sitting at five years removed from its last episode. I've been watching it a lot lately, kind of as a pick-me-up, and have become re-convinced that it was the best TV show of all time. It's weird...the premise, on its face, seems like it could be very mean - non-stop mockery of bad movies. And yet, as delivered, the show is so light-hearted and loveable, and enfused with a very positive worldview. Its creator was once quoted as saying that the show "is about liberty, in a small, goofy way." And I can see what he means - it's about taking a stand against the cr*p society shovels at you, and fighting back the best way possible - with humor. We all are gonna need a lot of humor in the days to come, I think. Maybe Amanda is correct - the time IS right for another MST3K-a-thon. For more info on the show, BTW, head to Satellite News:

http://www.mst3k.com

-Another website worth your time:

http://www.sorryeverybody.com/

Still trying to decide what to do for my picture, if I send one.

-Coolest news of the week, by far: The ultimate DVD collection has been released - HomestarRunner.com just announced that ALL OF THE FIRST HUNDRED STRONG BAD E-MAILS are now available in a 3-disc set, complete with extras, commentaries, and previously unreleased e-mails. All of this for only...is this right?...29.95?!?!?! Now THAT is a steal, dudes. I am so there when I get my paycheck on Saturday.

-Still don't wana say anything about Monday. Just keep your fingers crossed for me...

-BTW, if anyone knows of a good car that's going for a cheap price, I'd appreciate knowing about it. My current car has gone the way of the dodo, and I need new wheels.

-Found out I've been misspelling my name on my Monster resume. Oops.

-Work tomorrow. First of many shifts over the next few days - not as crazy as last weekend, but still nuts. Wish me luck...

Monday, November 08, 2004

Long Weekend. Real Long.

Sorry for the sudden and unannounced lack of updates, but it's been a long weekend. Very long. How long? Try this: going in for work on Friday, expecting to work 6-12:30. Then, being asked to come in the next day a little early, because they were gonna be short a cashier and needed someone. How early, I asked. 9 a.m., I am told. They were asking me to work 9 a.m. to 5, get an hour break, then come back and work the rest of my scheduled shift, from 6-12:30. In essence, we're talking about a 15 1/2 hour shift on Saturday. Then, I was also scheduled for a 9:45-6 shift on Sunday. If I had even a shred of common sense, I woulda said no. But I don't, so I said yes.

What this amounts to is I was on the clock, working, almost literally every waking hour I had from Friday at 6 until Sunday afternoon at 4:30, when I finally clocked out. To say the least, it was grueling. Beyond the fact of being on my feet for so many hours straight, which was murder, we were also very busy since it was Incredibles opening weekend. Add it all up, and there were more than a few times during that 48-or-so-hour stretch when I was more than a bit cranky. I usually pride myself on holding up very well under pressure at work and not letting the customers see me as anything but cheerful, but around the 20-hour mark for the weekend, my patience was wearing thin. Luckily, around that time a few friends (Kurt and Hanna and Bob and Sarah) strolled on through, and it's always good to see friendly faces. Thanks for cheering me up, guys...

So, I sucked it up and made it through, and had an even drawer for most of the time I was on the clock, no less. By rough estimate, I ended up handling about $20,000 in cash and who knows how much more in credit card orders. I was a beaten man. I went home and crashed, staying the heck off my feet for the rest of the night, and also ordering the TNA PPV, which was fun. My mom got on my nerves a few times (for reasons I'll talk about some other time), but otherwise, it was a good night to end perhaps the longest weekend of my life.

But things were just getting started. You see, the next morning I had to be up to...nah, not yet. I'll wait to tell you all about that little thing later, when I know more myself. Just keep your fingers crossed for me, amigos...

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Let the Bloodletting Begin...

Holy cow, does it feel like WWE is in disarray right about now. For those of you who care, they've released no less than ten members of their roster in the space of the past few days:

-Billy Gunn, former member of DX and 10 year veteran of the company

-A-Train, big bull of a guy who never really did much

-Test, former "fiancee" of Stephanie and Stacy Keibler's real-life main squeeze

-Nidia, co-winner of the first Tough Enough

-Rodney Mack, relative rookie and Jazz's husband

-Jazz, because we wouldn't want Mack to be lonely, I guess

-Gail Kim, ANOTHER pretty talented female wrestler

-Chuck Palumbo, former tag team champion

-Johnny Stamboli, member of the Full Blooded Italians

-Rico, really talented worker who actually looked like he was starting to get over

Man alive, that's a lot of people right there. I mean, sure, none of them are drawing serious money for WWE right now, but NO ONE is, including Vinnie's beloved son-in-law, HHH. I mean, a lot of them were never even given the CHANCE to get over. Here's Rico, who's older than most of the roster, sure, but he's a good worker and a great personality, who has worked hard for years in middling roles, and now, just as he's finally starting to carve out a niche for himself on Smackdown, he's given the boot. What amazing short-sightedness.

What this comes down to is that profits are down, morale is down, and the stories the product is telling pretty much all stink. So, naturally, rather than an overhaul on the CREATIVE side, the first impulse is to cut workers, while we're STILL trying to insist that the stupid "brand extension" nonsense hasn't been a colossal failure, and we're trying to fully cast two weekly two hour shows, not to mention the secondary shows that air every weekend. And, not to mention, we've been trying to have two PPVs per month over the past few months, both for full price.

And all this while Vince McMahon apparently still pays himself in the neighborhood of $10 million a year, and allows his precious son-in-law to dominate his product.

There's a company called TNA that's having its first 3-hour PPV this Sunday. "Victory Road." I highly encourage any and all wrestling fans to check it out. Not only because it features good workers (which it does), spotlights much more interesting action (which it has), and has no sign of HHH (which it doesn't, though it does have Jeff Jarrett, who's becoming pretty bad, as well). But because I think it's crucial that wrestling fans get behind something, ANYTHING else right now. Because WWE needs competition, or, I fear, this art form, which I hold very dear, may never recover.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

*Shrug*

Well, we tried.

You know, for the first time in my life, it felt like I was fighting a good fight. As a recovering republican (one day at a time), with my parents' guidance and encouragement, I spent the better part of my high school years worshipping at the altar of Rush Limbaugh and supporting the GOP. I look at those days with the same disgusted bemusement that I have when I watch reruns of Knight Rider or Masters of the Universe - these were things I once found of value, now merely a footnote in my life, a part of me that is no longer relevant to who I am. Once I entered college, I started struggling with my beliefs, and actually started listening to what these commentators who I held in such high esteem had to say - and it made me realize that all my life, I had spoken in support of things that simply were not who I was. So, steadily, I began to gravitate away from what my parents were (and are) and tried to carve out my own identity. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I've ever been, and I feel more solid in who I am as a person than I have felt in a long time.

In the 90's, still as a supporter of the right, I supported the republican candidates and cast my first vote in 1996 was for Dole. Both lost. In 2000, my political revelations were still in their developmental phase, but I had changed enough to vote for Gore. This I did simply because I did not trust Bush. (And little that has happened in the ensuing years has done anything to change that. ) He "lost." And now, in 2004, I stood in line at 6:30 a.m., and for the first time, felt proud as I cast my vote - for John Kerry.

And so, the trend continues.

Silly me, thinking that common sense could win out over fear and blind loyalty disguised as "patriotism."

You know what, though? Bush's win isn't even the part that p!sses me off the most. What really gets me is that Issue 1 passed with flying colors. Congratulations, Ohio, we have officially passed the single most prejudiced piece of legislation in nearly 50 years.

I don't think I've ever been so ashamed of the people of my state.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

113 Things to Say...

You know, there are few feelings more satisfying than to find out that your job has been done for you.

I've just spent the last hour and a half or so gathering factoids and snippets about the current administration to answer, unequivocally, why I am against Bush in today's election. I figured I would publish a list of 50 or so reasons, complete with links to news stories and sources, to answer any and all questions about my allegiance in the race.

Then wouldn't you know it, I come across an article that not only has brilliantly already done such a thing, but increased my quotient by a factor of two.

http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i=20041108&s=facts

Go ahead. Read it now. I'll wait right here.

All done? Cool.

And now, just so my efforts aren't in vein, I'll add 13 more to the tally:

1. Senator Tom Harkin: "If Bush is re-elected, he will have to restart the draft."
http://www.mndaily.com/articles/2004/10/29/10950

2. "Republican Logic." http://members.cox.net/cowicide/bushrather.jpg

3. Disgustingly dirty campaign tactics, even within his own party - "push polling" during the Republican primaries in 2000 created suspicion to steal the nomination from war hero John McCain. (Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, p. 152)

4. Among his first acts as president: cut funding to Planned Parenthood overseas, passed a $1.6 trillion tax cut which went, primarily, to the rich, withdrew the U.S. from the Kyoto protocol, and delayed rules that would reduce "acceptable levels of arsenic in the drinking water". ("The Al Franken Show," 10/29/04, Lies, p. 164)

5. While no one was looking, there was yet another tax cut - $136 billion for businesses. (BTW, this makes Bush the only president in history to cut taxes at a time of war. And we WONDER how the deficit happened?) http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=544&ncid=703&e=6&u=/ap/20041024/ap_on_go_pr_wh/corporate_taxes

6. I'm hardly the one to make comments about tasteless jokes, but what the heck was he thinking talking about "the trifecta?" http://www.truthout.org/docs_04/103104L.shtml

7. The only president to preside over a massive, foreign attack on U.S. civilian soil? The man whose campaign commercials paint as the only man who can protect America. ("The Al Franken Show," 10/29/04)

8. Bush said he was "not concerned" about Osama Bin Laden in a 2002 press conference, and then tried to say he didn't say that during the debates. http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/latimests/20041014/ts_latimes/bushnotconcernedaboutbinladenin02

9. Speaking of whom, where the heck is Osama, and why the heck haven't we caught the b@stard yet? http://www.columbiatribune.com/2004/Oct/20041031News025.asp

10. Even Eminem is against him. http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i=20041108&s=grahamfelsen

11. Bush has opposed stem cell research, impeding the search for a cure for diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, multiple sclerosis, and Lou Gehrig's disease - this despite campaigning by Nancy Reagan on behalf of the cause, and the fact that all the embryonic stem cells used in such research are ALREADY BEING DESTROYED because they're the unused unfertilized embryos leftover from (perfectly legal) artificial insemination. (Lies, p. 290, "The Al Franken Show," 11/1/04)

12. BTW, the war's gonna cost us another $75 billion dollars in '05, according to the new budget. http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,595101126,00.html

13. "A political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your commander in chief," Bush, to a campaign rally. (Well, far be it from me to argue with the President on THAT one.)

Hey, you know what? One way or another, I don't think we can lose. Kerry wins, the country (thankfully) moves in a new direction, away from the trend these 113 facts seem to indicate. Bush wins, we get another four years of political humor so easy it's like shooting fish in a barrel. This truly is a great time to be alive.

So, folks, go and vote. I just really hope you'll keep 113 things on your mind when you do.

Monday, November 01, 2004

As Fair and Balanced as Fox News...

Heather's gonna hate me for posting this link, but it's just too funny and so amazingly mean-spirited, I can't resist...

http://www.michaeljnelson.com/home/other.aspx

It seems that the esteemed Michael J. Nelson, head writer and latter-day host of the best damn TV show ever, MST3K, doesn't really care for the New York Yankees. (His bitterness may be compounded by the fact that the Yanks beat his home state's Twins in 4 games in the ALDS.) And so, his latest updates on his webpage are literally nothing but taking wicked pot-shots at the team and rubbing their failure in their face. My favorite parts are the "quotes" from Yankee players, none better than the bit from "Joe Torre": "'Finally, justice was done upon this earth. We lost because we deserved to lose because we are evil. I only hope we never return.'"

Man, Heather, and you thought *I* was hard on the Yanks.