Not Rules, Just Please Dos and Please Do Nots...

Working at the box office at a major movie theatre, you begin to see...patterns. Patterns of behavior, things people seem to do a lot, little things which, when added up, make for much longer lines at the box office and much longer waits for our customers and much more stressful days at work. Ergo, what follows is not a list of instructions or demands, merely observations and suggested guidelines, ones that, if followed, would make buying tickets a much smoother experience, and one which would be done a lot quicker. (This is not directed at anyone actually reading this blog, but rather at the moviegoing audience in general. I've never had a problem with y'all. I just needed to vent about some of these, and this is my forum of venting. I also thought you guys might find it funny...)

-Please DO educate yourself on the movies before you come to the theatre. There are many, MANY outlets from which you can find out what the plot of a movie is. The internet, newspapers, TV shows, friends' comments, etc. These are all readily available to the general public and provide excellent information - much better than we at the box office can provide in a quick two-second description. Also, if you must ask about a particular movie, please DO NOT wait until we are very busy, get in line, arrive at the desk, and hold up everyone else while you ask, "What's 'The Alamo' about?"

-Please DO have your money, or at least your wallet, out by the time you get up to the counter. If you have a decent idea of how much your order of tickets is going to cost, have roughly that amount of cash ready, or your credit card. Nothing brings the line to a screeching halt quicker than someone who reaches the desk, tells us exactly what movie they're seeing and how many tickets they need, and then takes a couple minutes to dig their cash out of their purse or pocket.

-An addendum - please DO have your I.D., be it driver's license or whatever, in an easily accessible place, in case we need to see it. I always wonder about people who have their license buried so deep in their handbag or wallet that they can't find it. I mean, I'm just the guy at the ticket counter, I admit, but what would these people do if a cop stopped them on the road, and they spent the next, say, two minutes or so digging through old receipts and used Kleenex trying to find the single most important piece of identification they own?

-Please DO NOT tell us, yet again, how high the prices are. We know. We can't do anything about it. We're just the cashiers, we aren't management, we don't set the prices. Nothing drains a soul quicker than hearing for the 200th time in an evening how outrageous the ticket prices are and how we should be ashamed of ourselves. In most cases, we're making in an hour less than you're spending for just one of those tickets, okay? So either don't buy the tickets or gripe with your friends once you're out of earshot.

-If you are planning on using a pass of some sort to see the movie, please DO tell us you are using one before we ring up your tickets. There are separate buttons on our console for tickets that are paid for in cash, and tickets purchased using passes. When you say, "two tickets," and we ring up two tickets in cash, and then you hand us two passes, we have to abort that order and re-enter your order in as passes. This takes time. And when there's a long line, time means an even longer line. So please, let us know and the whole thing will go much quicker.

-When you arrive and ask for tickets, and we tell you, "Sorry, the show is sold out," please DO NOT respond, "You're kidding!" EVERYONE responds like that. It's not like we'd tell you that the show is sold out just for kicks. We're NEVER kidding.

-If you're coming in a big group to see a movie, please DO gather everyone's cash and place one big order for tickets, as opposed to 20 one-person orders. We know it takes a little time to figure out how much everyone will owe. But that's better than taking 10 minutes of the line's time by all coming up individually and ordering one ticket at a time. It takes FOREVER, and the same thing could be accomplished by just taking a little forethought and buying it all in one lump sum.

-If you have kids, please DO NOT give the kids the cash so they can order the tickets themselves. We know you think it's cute. It's not. All that happens is that the kid just stands there with the cash, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, and saying nothing until you tell us what movie you're seeing. Kids eventually reach an age where they can speak for themselves. Until that age is reached, please don't hold up everyone else so your little boy or girl can hold some money.

-If you have a cell phone, please DO hang it up before coming up to the desk. This just seems like common courtesy, but you'd be amazed how many people think nothing of coming up and placing their order while they keep on blathering away with their buddy. Hey, I'm here. I'm a living, breathing person in front of you. I'd appreciate being treated like one for a few seconds. Even if it's as simple as, "Hey, hang on a sec, I gotta order tickets," and putting the phone down while dealing with us, we'd really appreciate it. Your friend will wait. They're your friend, after all.

-Please DO NOT come up and ask a question while we're taking an order from another customer. Again, this is just plain rude. I personally try to never even acknowledge someone trying to butt in on a transaction until I'm finished dealing with the person at my register. Unless your problem is something like, "Hey, my boyfriend just spontaneously combusted and I need a glass of water," it can wait the 10 seconds it will take for us to finish our current customer's order. Then we'll be happy to help.

-Please DO NOT assume that I know you're over 60 and get a senior discount. I make it a point never to assume that, unless the person in front of me looks like George Burns' older brother. Ergo, I will ring you up as a normal ticket unless otherwise directed. At the same time, please DO assume, if you look even remotely young, that I will ask for I.D. to make sure you're 17 or older if you're seeing an R rated movie. Do not take it as an insult. We're required to do it by law. And I am a very bad guesser of ages. So, I ask pretty much everyone. I figure it's better safe than sorry.

-Please DO tell me the title of the movie you're seeing. It's hilarious, really, how many people make it up to us, tell us in exacting detail how many tickets they need and what ages everyone is, and then just stand there and apparently assume that we will know what movie they're seeing through telekinesis. We have 18 screens at our theatre, folks, please specify.

-And finally, please DO remember to take your tickets with ya before you leave. The tickets are the whole point of coming up to the desk. And yet maybe a quarter of the people who come up start to walk away without taking them. I'm tempted sometimes to not say anything, just to see if they'll make it all the way to the usher. Please remember them next time.

Again, not rules, just requests. Please heed them, world, and I promise the lines will move much quicker the next time you visit our little theatre.

(BTW, stay tuned tomorrow...got a cool surprise for y'all!)