If Real Life Was More Like Wrestling...

-There would be a five-day waiting period to buy a folding chair.

-You could leave your workplace whenever you liked, as long as you were back inside before a count of ten.

-All interviews on CNN would begin, "Well, you know something, Mean Gene?!?!?"

-The IRS would recognize "Parts Unknown" as a legal residence.

-Whenever you walked into any building, your theme music would start to play.

-The most common injury at hospitals nationwide would be, "Mysterious cut on forehead."

-You could break any law you wanted to, as long as the referee didn't see you.

-Lou Dobbs would complain about all these Luchadors taking jobs from good old AMERICAN high-flyers.

-Vince McMahon would re-write history and claim HE wrote the Declaration of Independence.

-Furniture stores would rate tables based on style, color, construction and "breakability."

-It would be forbidden by law for any woman to wear a garment that came within a foot of her neck.

-You could walk into a convenience store wearing a mask and no one would call the cops.

-Spandex sales? Through the roof.

-The guy in the rainbow wig at basketball games would have a sign reading "AUSTIN 3:16."

-All the major events of your life would be on pay-per-view.

-Mickey Rourke would have won the Oscar, dammit.

-Face paint wouldn't just be for Halloween and tailgating anymore.

-Andre the Giant wouldn't just have a posse, he'd have a FRIGGIN' ARMY.

-The Super Bowl would be referred to as, "That game that happens the week after the Royal Rumble."

-All conversations would begin with a collar and elbow tie-up.

-All Japanese immigrants would be required to learn how to spit green mist.

-When you "retired," you'd be expected back at work a few weeks later.

-You couldn't drink bottled water without spitting it dramatically in the air and posing.

More as I think of them... :)