Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Goodbye, Bob...

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/ap/20061031/116234028001.html

Yep, December 12th is it. You kinda had to know it would be happening, eventually, but it's still more than a bit surprising. A big chunk of me kinda assumed he'd be around forever.

It's a scary fact to reflect upon, but this guy's been doing "The Price is Right" longer than I've been alive. And, given the demographics of my friends, odds are good he's been doing it longer than you've been alive, too.

Well, thank you so much, Bob, for so many years of being the quintessential game show host. Have a very, very happy retirement.

(BTW, the obvious question follows...what happens to the show? I mean, it is literally the ONLY daytime network game show left. Does "Price" carry on without the man who will forever be its host...or can it, even? No announcement of a replacement yet, but whoever it is has almost Carson-sized shoes to fill. Good luck, whoever you are.)

Monday, October 30, 2006

Psst.

As a lot of you guys know by now, I've been doing a lot of songwriting lately.

My way of sharing this with you all has been to post the lyrics on my blog. But these are, after all, songs, and thus a good part of the effect is lost.

Well, I have finally gotten the microphone on my computer up and running, and have just recorded an MP3 of myself performing my newest song, which I have yet to post to my blog. The quality of the track is nothing to write home about - it's just me singing, sans instruments - but I figure this is the best way to get genuine feedback on how these things work as songs.

So, anyone who wants to hear it, please drop me a line and I'll ship it to you via e-mail attachment ASAP. I would LOVE any and all comments, so please lemme know!

Thanks!

-Jeff

P.S. - Please include your e-mail addy in any responses...just in case, you know, I don't have it. :)

Sunday, October 29, 2006

My Poster's Blood Type is O-Positive

Okay, this is a pretty neat idea.

Granted, it’s a complete rip-off of the time Kiss did a comic book with their blood in the ink, but at least this time it’s a publicity stunt for a good cause…apparently the auctioned poster raised a lot of money for the Red Cross.

For the record, I haven’t seen "Saw III" (or II, for that matter), but I probably will try to squeeze both of ‘em in before Halloween is done. I thought the first film was a wee bit too clever for its own good, but after suffering through the Ring movies and Texas Chainsaw Massacre and all the other schlock which is passing for horror these days, “Saw” looks way better by comparison. Too clever is much better than not clever at all.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Time to Geek-Out a Little Bit

I recognize that many of these are things no one else would get excited about. Tough. :)

-New HomestarRunner.com DVD! Everything Else, Volume 2!

-Bat Out of Hell III this Tuesday! The reviews are actually pretty good!

-Best of the X-Division, Volume 2, also this Tuesday! More AJ/Daniels/Joe goodness!

-24, season 6 trailer! Watch at your own risk, for it'll make you ticked that there's still three months to wait!

-Can you say ROYAL RUMBLE AND FOUR HORSEMEN BOX SETS?!?!? I knew you could!

-Batman Beyond, Season 2! Wait, I've already got that one! Ah well, it's all good!

Yep, I might as well just start garnishing my wages right now. That Rumble box set alone will mean no lunches for a few months...

Kidding. :)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

"Shameless"

I readily admit to being a Rush Limbaugh fan back in my teenage years. When my folks were the primary influence on my political being, they introduced me to Rush at an early age, and he is undeniably an entertaining speaker and engaging personality. As a result, much of my teenage years were spent swallowing the Limbaugh canon whole and regurgitating it whenever I needed to reassure myself that I knew what I was talking about in political debate.

When I reached college, became exposed to other ideas and began to reevaluate just what the hell it is I really believed in (a process that is still ongoing), I began to discover how much of Limbaugh's act was smoke and mirrors...or, more accurately, bluster and lies. When you begin to allow yourself to hear outside perspectives, the foundation that the House of Rush is built on fast turns into quicksand, and this was well before any of the scandals came about. So, I began to view my Limbaugh phase in much the same way I viewed my Transformers phase...I thought as a child, acted as a child, but then I became a man and put away childish things.

But even as my personal political views came more solidly into focus (such as they are), I never felt the venom toward Limbaugh as I did many of his political bretheren; your Bill O'Reilly, your Pat Buchanan, your Ann Coulter. I would rather die than share a taxicab with any of these people. But because I had once liked Limbaugh, he just wasn't on the same level. He was a blubbering fool spewing nonsense and hipocracy to his huddled masses who wanted to know what to think, sure. But at least a small part of me still, at some level, liked him.

That part is gone now.

Oh, for a lot of reasons. Most recently, because of this.

Limbaugh came out and attacked Michael J. Fox for a campaign ad he did for a Democratic senatorial candidate in Missouri, Claire McCaskill, because of her stand on stem cell research. In the ad, Fox is visibly shaking, an effect caused by his Parkinson's disease.

Limbaugh accused him of acting or deliberately being off his meds in order to create sympathy. He called the display "shameless."

A few facts have come to light since then.

Now, Fox has, in the past (notably one appearance before Congress, which came and went apparently without comment from Rush), gone without his Parkinson's meds in order to demonstrate the effects of the illness to those who would otherwise prefer to be shielded from the pain it causes. But a.) he made a point of noting that he was off medication, even discussing it in his autobiography, “Lucky Man,” and b.) that was then, and the disease has progressed to the point where the medication's effects cannot be predicted or the shaking easily controlled. In a nationally televised appearance on the “CBS Evening News” about the issue, Fox's visible shaking was still very much evident, at one point even dislodging his microphone from his lapel.

Fox has done other political ads campaigning for candidates on the basis of their support of stem cell research, including Arlen Specter, a Republican. Limbaugh's venom did not seem to find any reason to spew at Fox then.

And oh yeah, the irony of Limbaugh making snide comments about someone else’s status with “meds” is laughable beyond words.

Fox’s reaction to Limbaugh’s venom was rather stunningly gracious…he denied that he was off his medication for the ad, noted that in fact he had been rather OVER-medicated during shooting. And he said that it can be rather hard for people who don’t have the disease to understand how unpredictable its effect can be even tempered with medication.

Limbaugh’s response to this frank and relatively classy response? He claimed that he would apologize…if he was proven wrong. (As if the facts that had come out in the interim 24 hours were not sufficient.) He then went on to AGAIN accuse Fox of somehow faking it, whether chemically or otherwise, and then specifically targeted Democrats for using “infallible victims” like Fox so that critics could not disagree.

Once again, this is the same Michael J. Fox who has said numerous times that “disease is not a partisan issue” and has campaigned for candidates from both parties. He speaks out for his issue, he doesn’t mindlessly spin his story for the good of a political ideology. Unlike someone I could mention.

For the record, I am 100% for funding stem cell research. Considering all the potential the research has for treating if not outright curing a wide range of diseases, and considering that the cells which are used in said research are already being destroyed because they’re unfertilized embryos leftover from (perfectly legal and uncontested) artificial insemination, it seems wholly logical.

Limbaugh does not agree with funding stem cell research, apparently primarily because of his religious beliefs. Many others feel the same way, for the same reason. That is wholly their right, just as it is wholly my right to disagree with them and vote accordingly.

It was also, of course, wholly Limbaugh’s right to say what he spewed about Fox, however ill-conceived and mean-spirited and flat-out wrong it may have been.

But when the truth comes to light, as it did, when Fox responds not with snide remarks and put-downs (like, uh, me) but with class, as he did, the proper response is one of similar class. An apology, followed by a retraction, or at least an admission that he didn’t have all the facts. THAT would have been appropriate.

Instead, Limbaugh did what he always does. He covered up any evidence which contradicted him, claimed he was still in the right, and used that claim to smear those who think differently than he does.

If you want to see “shameless,” Rush, you need only look in a mirror.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

My Bad

(Yet anudder new song. Tee hee. :) This one's a 80's-ish rock ballad, considerably more upbeat in delivery than the lyrics would suggest. Comments and criticisms are welcome and encouraged. And I admit that, in many ways, this is the single most autobiographical song I will ever write.)

“My Bad” by Jeff McGinnis
(written 10/06)

Do you remember when I tried to take you out that night
and you just said it was a waste of time?
Or when you broke your drinking glass because you threw it down
‘cuz I forgot to add a twist of lime?
Then, the day you tossed that chicken soup right in my face
just to prove it was a bit too hot?
Or the time you had that high speed crash in my new car
because I didn’t mention that blind spot?

There was the way you had to say that I was getting fat
Or when you wrecked your favorite mower when you hit my cat
And then you hurt your knee breaking my A-Rod baseball bat
Well, there’s just one thing I have to say about all that…

It’s my bad
I’m sorry, didn’t mean any harm
I’m sure kitty didn’t suffer when he bought the farm
It’s my bad
How convenient, I’ve known you so long
And every problem that we have is because I was wrong
It’s my bad

I felt awful ‘bout the day when my dear mother died
and it meant you had to miss “The View”
Or when that soda that I bought you was a size too small
oh, just how could I do that to you?
And I’m so sorry if you hurt your fist in any way
that one time you punched me in the face
Oh yes, you’re right, I don’t know how I can live with myself,
I’m just a blemish on the human race

There was the time I made you puke when I asked if we’d wed
Or when that shirt I bought you wasn’t the right shade of red
Or when I made you mad by crying at those things you said
And for roughly the last 40 times we were in bed

It’s my bad
I’m sorry, don’t know what I have done
And you can pin it all on me, my little cinnabun
It’s my bad
All the problems I have caused you today
‘Cuz after all, you are so perfect in just every way
So, my bad

I’m still so sorry that you had maxed out my credit cards
And then you poisoned me and buried me in the backyard
Everything except my heart, which you keep on a shelf
But I’m telling you, my dear, you shouldn’t blame yourself

It’s my bad
I’m sorry, yeah, the guilt is all mine
I don’t blame you for that Pepsi laced with turpentine
It’s my bad
Everything that I have done to you
And so I’m happy to be killed to prove my love is true
It’s my bad
I’m sorry, but well, hey, it was fun
Hope your next lover knows that they are a lucky one
It’s my bad
Things are better now that I am gone
Just blame me for everything that happens from now on
It’s my bad!

Monday, October 23, 2006

THE Feud Has Begun

Over the past few weeks, TNA has successfully convinced me of two things:

1. It looks like they are gonna use Kurt Angle in a way that will work around his injuries and help him heal as he works, making it a much better place for him at this stage of his career. I may be wrong, but Angle and TNA's public statements about the situation have me feeling much better about Kurt's long-term health than I did a month ago.

2. Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe may be the most important event in the history of the company. Period. If any one feud will draw casual wrestling fans into the TNA fold, it is this one. And so far, TNA has not stepped wrong. From the initial angle on Impact this week, which was pretty much the hottest angle in wrestling in years, to the brawl at Bound for Glory which had the place on their feet, every second of the build-up has been amazing television. (Don't believe me? Click here.) In just five days, this feud has become THE event in wrestling. And given the work ethic and talent of both competitors, the match, when it finally happens, will be, at LEAST, damn good, and at best, an all-time classic. Keep your fingers crossed, folks.

Friday, October 20, 2006

"If" I did it? Yeah, and "if" *I* was fat...

Have you heard about this?

Now, the original source of all this is the "Enquirer," so take it with several handfuls of salt, but I've found supporting reports from several legitimate sources, so, amazingly, it seems to be true.

Yes, apparently Simpson is writing a book describing the murders of his ex-wife and her friend in startling and gruesome detail, outlining how it would have went down if he had done it. But it's all "hypothetical," of course.

Because, to paraphrase Keith last night on his show, it is PERFECTLY ordinary for a man to make 3.5 million dollars for writing a piece of "fiction" about how he would have gone about it if he had decided to murder the woman he loved and her friend.

Sir, kindly go away and never come back. We won't miss you.

Da New Song

(Sorry, I ended up having to crash early and didn't get the song posted until now. My bad. But anyway...I was reflecting on these times of peril and strife in which we live in, and how there are those among us (such as Jerry "Boy, am I full of it" Falwell) who, with their STELLAR grasp of cause-effect relationships, have been able to weed out the root cause of it all. Morons. Ergo, this one should be taken with a massive dose of sarcasm...I'd love feedback on whether the song goes far enough to be funny, or whether I should push it even further. This is a country song, sung in a southern accent.)

"Gay Marriage" by Jeff McGinnis
(written 10/06)
The world is scary out there now
It's risky having sex or eating cow
There's twisters, earthquakes, floods and draughts
And I heard the pope is a kraut

Some folks can't even save a dime
The streets are filled with drugs and crime
And though some out there may deny
There's just one reason why…

It's 'cuz of
Gay Marriage
That's what it's all about
It's Gay Marriage
When all them folks come out
So close your mind and try to find a way to say
You wouldn't kiss a man, so why should they?

There's so much horror going on
The ozone layer is almost gone
So many people have got no home
And my rear bumper's got no chrome

Yeah, some Korea has the bomb
Don't think we won in Vietnam
The peace folks think that they can still protest
My kid saw Janet Jackson's breast

All 'cuz of
Gay Marriage
That's where the problems start
It's Gay Marriage
So keep them folks apart
The only way now to delay these times of strife
Is never to pronounce someone woman and wife

There's still folks who believe in those gun laws
And some think that there ain't no Santy Claus
Our children isn't learnin'
Not near 'nuff books are burnin'
And I believe I've pin-pointed the cause

It's 'cuz of
Gay Marriage
So here's what we should do
'Bout Gay Marriage
Just tell 'em no-can-do
And say just how there's too much now to let it be
'Cuz then we'd have to treat 'em with equality

Oh yeah, it's
Gay Marriage
I tell ya, it's a curse
It's Gay Marriage
So 'fore it gets much worse
Let's pass a law and tell 'em all that they can't wed
So why not crush on one of your own kin, instead?

It's Gay Marriage…

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Oh, TAG.

Okey-doke...

Each player of this game starts with "6 wierd habits/things about you." People who get tagged then write their own blog of their own "6 wierd habits/traits," as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, choose six people to be "tagged" and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a message or comment saying they've been tagged and tell them to read your blog.

1. My DVD collection is probably not as extensive as you might think it is...I don't have an exact count, but I barely have one bookshelf filled with movies and box sets. Over the course of my life, I've owned way more, but sometimes I sold DVDs back for the cash. (I have since vowed that I would never do this again, since I was actually costing myself money in the long run by selling and re-buying them).

2. When I was in high school, I got my name published in a book entitled "Film Flubs: The Sequel" by sending in a few continuity errors from the movies "Reversal of Fortune" and "Terminator 2."

3. Everyone knows about my board game obsession, but fewer know of my REAL passion…VCR/DVD board games. I’m a TOTAL freak for those, even though I’m more or less the only one who plays them. Whenever I see one, if it’s in my price range, it is mine. Most recent purchase: the 24 DVD Board Game. Anyone still in BG up for a theme night?

4. My favorite e-mail exchange ever occurred in 1997. I noticed that, on the cover of Roger Ebert’s “Questions for the Movie Answer Man” book, he had his hand cupped on his chin (in a “Thinker” pose) in such a way that it looked a lot like his classic thumbs up sign. I wrote his e-mail address to ask if this was intentional. He responded, “Someone FINALLY noticed the thumb! Congratulations!” I wrote back, jokingly, “Great! What do I win?” His response? “This: Thumbs Up! - Ebert” So, I can honestly say I have gotten a thumbs up from the man himself.

5. I have a new song written that I haven’t posted yet, because I wasn’t sure if it was too offensive or not to be shared with all my peeps. After asking for advice from several folks, I have decided to go ahead and post it tonight at midnight. Shh. ;)

6. If you take me to ANY fast food joint nowadays, I will be ordering an item from the menu with grilled chicken. Big part of my diet. There’s only one exception: KFC. Their Honey BBQ Stackers will be the death of me.

And *I* tag…Amanda, Beth, Jess, John, Kirsten and Maria. Yee haw. :)

BTW, RE: PR...

Jeffrey won Project Runway. I didn't even watch or try to...I had game six of Mets/Cards tonight, and PR completely fell off the radar. I wouldn't have even found out the winner if it wasn't for Abby texting me when it was said and done. (Exact quote: "Boo. :( " )

I gotta admit, I pretty much stopped caring when Laura went to the press with her charges about him, which more or less gave away the fact that he won. I mean, she wouldn't be whining so loud if he'd been a runner-up, right? And seeing how Jeffrey did almost nothing but horrifically garish designs loosely tied together by a "rock" theme, I can't see him actually becoming the "next great fashion designer."

And for the record, at this point it's becoming apparent that the runner-ups almost always do better than the actual winners of the show, so I have high hopes for Michael's post-Runway career, anyway. As for Jeffrey, enjoy the fruits of your labor, whether they were ill-gotten or not. Though I must admit I can only hope you go the way of the Jay.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Keith is the OlberMANN

I highly advise any interested to check out the AMAZING special comment Keith did on "Countdown" last night, addressing the signing of the Military Commissions Act, and, as a result, the END of Habias Corpus. It's entitled, "The Beginning of the End of America."

The title may be a bit hyperbolic, but the issues Keith addresses most certainly are not. This one's more than a bit scary, folks.

Oddly enough, the dialogue which comes to mind was written by George Lucas: "This is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause."

Movie Quotes Winners 2: Quote Harder!

21. “Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.” - “Dogma” - Beth

22. “Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company.” - “UHF” - NO ONE

23. “Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.” - “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” - Steph

24. “Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night here at the stadium...free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.” - “Major League” - Lindsey

25. “OK, so we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, these folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit, ends here and then this execution-type deal.” - “Fargo” - Dave

26. “Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?” - “Wayne’s World” - Steph

27. “You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.” - “Groundhog Day” - Tracey

28. “What about the Twinkie?” - “Ghostbusters” - Dave

29. “Oh good! My dog found the chainsaw!” - “Lilo and Stitch” - Matt

30. “Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees I mean. That was good. This is sh*t, but, hey, I'm in a police station.” - “The Usual Suspects” - Beth

31. “Ty Cobb wanted to play, but none of us could stand the son-of-a-b*tch when we were alive, so we told him to stick it!” - “Field of Dreams” - Lindsey

32. “No jury can declare a man guilty unless it's SURE. We nine can't understand how you three are still so sure. Maybe you can tell us.” - “12 Angry Men” - Lindsey

33. “Wait a minute. My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes....what the hell is *that* about?” - “The Producers” - Lindsey

34. “People always say to me, 'When you get to the NBA, don't forget about me.' Well, I should've said back, 'If I don't make it to the NBA, don't *you* forget about me.’” - “Hoop Dreams” - Dave

35. “That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You *got* that?!?!?” - “Army of Darkness” - Lindsey

36. “A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk.” - “Casino” - Beth

37. “'You bluffed! You had nothing! Why did I fold?!?!' 'I put the fear of me in you.’” - “Oh God, You Devil” - Patrick

38. “I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid.” - “2001: A Space Odyssey” - Lindsey

39. “'Call Debra.' 'The caterer?' 'Tell her not to open the caviar.’” - “Spider-Man 2” - Steph

40. “Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.” - “The Muppet Movie” - John

YOUR SCORECARD:
Lindsey: 14
Dave: 6
Beth: 4
Steph: 4
E. Sean: 1
Greg: 1
John: 1
Matt: 1
Natalie: 1
Patrick: 1
Tracey: 1

Friday, October 13, 2006

A little help?

I am asking for volunteers...I need a little advice.

As everyone who reads this little thingy knows by now, I have gotten struck and struck hard by my songwriting muse as of late. I have no idea how good a lot of what I'm writing is, but it feels good to be doing it. But writing lyrics and having the tune in my head isn't enough. I wanna be able to share the full vision of what I'm thinking of...and to do that, I gotta translate these things into written music, then (hopefully) into produced demos of songs that I can post, maybe on MySpace music.

I have found an absolutely phenomenal songwriting program via the net named Finale Notepad, which allows me to write in a way I can understand, utilizing my limited memory of how to read music (aquired during my years in high school band, but left to atrophy ever since) and the ability to hear notes as I'm placing them. I can even playback the music in progress, creating a VERY serviceable instrumental track. End result: I'm beginning to think I can actually finish a complete MP3 of the music to one of my songs. Then, all I'd need is a recording studio or a computer with a working microphone.

But here's the thing: I wanna do good stuff. I like to know if what I've written is good enough to put in the effort for all this. And I'd like to know from folks I respect which songs I should pursue, and which ones I should, at best, rework, and at worst, throw on the slag heap.

So here's the deal: I have about 8 songs which I think are more-or-less "finished". All the lyrics written, all the music in my head. (Some of them with accompaniment as simple as a single piano, others massively produced rock ballads which will obviously have to be toned down.) Anyone who would like to participate, I will send a text file with the complete lyrics to these songs, and you can tell me what you think. Which one do you think is good and I should really work on? Which one really should be rethought? Any and all feedback, positive or negative, is VERY welcome. I really wanna know what you guys think. Then, with your feedback, I will get to work. And we'll see what happens.

So, if you wanna throw some advice (or hard, blunt objects) my way, please lemme know. I would really, REALLY appreciate it.

Thank you in advance for everything. I love you all!

Live, from New York, it's...on DVD?!?!?

Holy cow...really?

Season one. Uncut. Every skit, every musical performance, EVERYTHING.

The logic of rights and clearances seemed to make this impossible, but by gum they're doing it. This may very well be the holy grail of television comedy DVDs.

And while 70 bucks seems a little steep at first glance, heck, I'll still pay it. And I'm betting a lot of other folks will, too.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Gossip

(Anudder new song! Feedback and comments welcome and encouraged, naturally. BTW, the names I used in this one are not meant as a comment against anyone or anything...I just thought it'd be funny to squeeze in as many of my peeps' names into one song as I could. The song's actual subject seemed to arise naturally as I was in the process of writing it, based on that premise. So, no offense intended. Capisce? :) )

"Gossip" by Jeff McGinnis

(spoken) Now, you didn’t hear this from me…

But Abby told Katie last Monday, then Katie told Greg over lunch
Then Greg let it slip out to Stephy, ‘cuz he really trusts her a bunch
And Stephy confided in Heather, and Heather just told it to J.
But J. didn’t tell
Kept it to himself
At least ‘til the following day

Gossip, Gossip
It spreads around like the flu
Gossip, Gossip
So let me tell it to you
Just lend me your ears
Beware what you hear
And always consider the source
Gossip, Gossip
Keep talking ‘til they get hoarse

J. waited ‘til he saw Kristen, and Kristen told Dave right away
She knew he’d just have to tell Jodie, who hung out with Laura that day
Laura told Lia and Lisa, and Matt on the street with his dog
But Matt didn’t rush
He kept it hush-hush
‘Til he wrote that night in his blog

Gossip, Gossip
Yeah, it’s the coin of the realm
Gossip, Gossip
But, is there truth at the helm?
Just lend me your ears
Beware what you hear
Remember the telephone game
Gossip, Gossip
You know people talk, just the same

Ryan read what Matt had written, and called up Maria right then
Maria told this to her husband, whose name was, conveniently, Ben
And then it was uttered to Mandy, who passed it to Kevin at work
When Kevin told John
From that point, upon
His face was a devilish smirk

Gossip, Gossip
Wouldja like the latest scoop?
Gossip, Gossip
Hope you’re not out of the loop
Just lend me your ears
Beware what you hear
And listen to all of the buzz
Gossip, Gossip
Just know it, ‘cuz everyone does!

John told the story to Adam, who made sure Jeanine was aware
Jeanine really tried to say nothing, but Lindsey was doing her hair
Then Lindsey told Beth and Melissa, who passed it to Chris while in class
Chris said it to Anne
While off to the can
Amanda found out
And tried not to shout
Then Kurt told a few
Who already knew
When Megan told Jack
They were in the sack
And then, finally,
It got back to me…
They’re all saying that you’re an ass!

Gossip, Gossip
Hear it and pass it along
Gossip, Gossip
Whether it’s right or it’s wrong
Just lend me your ears
Beware what you hear
And try to make sure that it’s true
Gossip, Gossip…
It’s fun when it ain’t about you!
Yeah, it’s fun when it ain’t about you!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Hmm. Let's review...

--The Tigers beat the Yankees last night and eliminate them, meaning I can now thoroughly enjoy the rest of the MLB playoffs.

--The Eagles beat the Cowboys and Terrell Owens is a non-factor in the game that was hyped as the "game of the year" because of his return to Philly, meaning at some level sweet revenge for McNabb (though he has too much class to say so publicly).

--"The Departed" opened at #1 at the box office, easily beating "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" 27 million to 19 million, meaning that good taste, for one weekend at least, has prevailed.

--"Straight Outta Linwood" debuts on the Billboard chart at #10, meaning that it's Al's highest ranking album EVER.

--I had no shifts at work either Saturday or Sunday, meaning sweet relaxation.

--And Chris Benoit made a surprise return at the PPV this evening, meaning there's actually a reason to watch WWE programming again.

You know, if I had just gotten laid, this might have been a perfect weekend.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

New Song! Would love feedback, yadda yadda...

(When it rains it pours, as far as muses go, I guess. Wrote this one last Saturday, been polishing up the lyrics ever since. My dear friend Heather is the co-author because she provided some key information on the subject matter which helped shape the song into what it is now. Imagine this one as an upbeat Vaudeville number, light and bouncy, but with a distinctly cynical edge. Oh, and there's NOTHING in this song that could be read as any kind of social commentary on a current cultural trend. NONE.)

Secret Cures They Don’t Want You to Know
by Jeff McGinnis and Heather Cloete

If you take all the glue you can find in your home
And just mix with some broth, stir just once with a comb
Then, just pour on your head, for as long as you please
And voila, just like that, you’ll have no more herpes

And I hear you say, why ain’t I heard this before
When I went with these symptoms to see my doctor
But I’m telling you straight, you can take it from me
For the truth only comes from a guy on TV

These are the…
Secret Cures They Don’t Want You to Know
So count yourself lucky you’re watching my show
Then, open your wallet and send in your dough
I’ll tell you all the cures they don’t want you to know

If you got some Palmolive, you can clear that rash
All you need to cure gout, you have got in your trash
And if you should pick up just a touch of scurvy
Just sit back and play that new Beyonce CD

If you want all these treatments, don’t just sit and stare
And ignore all conventional medical care
They just want all your cash, they ain’t selfless like me
Sure, my book’s 40 bucks, but worth every penny

These are the…
Secret Cures They Don’t Want You to Know
So count yourself lucky you’re watching my show
Then, open your wallet and send in your dough
I’ll tell you all the cures they don’t want you to know

If you get chicken pox, munch on some pop rocks
If your fever’s too high, give play doh a try
If you’re feeling depressed, kiss a hamster named Jess
If you catch the bird flu, play a nice game of Clue
If you’re covered with warts, chug bleach by the quart
If you have STDs, take a hike through the forest
With lunch lady Doris
Then try not to bore us
With all of the stories
She tells of the glories
Of Tater Tots served with grilled cheese…

Now I know what you think, it’s too good to be true
Can they really do all that I say they can do?
Well, my friends, don’t you fear, you have my guarantee
If my remedies fail, then your shipping is free

So come on, take the chance to get back at the jerks
Who have actually learned just how everything works
And give me my reward for my minimal toil
Swing on by just to try out my new-age snake oil

These are the…
Secret Cures They Don’t Want You to Know
So count yourself lucky you’re watching my show
Then, open your wallet and send in your dough
I’ll tell you all the cures they don’t want you to know

(chorus joins in)

These are the…
Secret Cures They Don’t Want Us to Know
We buy what you say, and we’ll reap what we sew
So, give us our Kool-Aid, we’ll give you our dough
And perform all the cures they don’t want us to know

(repeat to fade out)

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Irony 451: The Temperature at Which Rational Thought Burns

Hoo boy. This one boggles the mind from ALL ANGLES. You may wanna take a moment before you read this to gather your thoughts.

Okay. Ready? Student in a high school in Conroe, Texas gets assigned a book to read. She gets a few pages in, decides she doesn't like the stuff it is depicting and complains to her daddy. Daddy then complains to the school. Kid is given an alternative reading assignment, but that apparently is not enough for daddy or for kid. They start campaigning for the school to ban the book in question from their curriculum.

The book? Fahrenheit 451.

For those playing the home game, Fahrenheit is Ray Bradbury's classic about a world where all books are banned and critical thought is suppressed.

Daddy, who apparently either has no understanding of the subject of the book or of the concept of irony, is asked in an interview what exactly makes the content objectionable. "With God's name in vain being in there, that's the number one reason. There's no reason for it being read."

Oh, and the reading was assigned to the students on BANNED BOOKS WEEK.

Sit down and let the headache go away. Don't worry. These folks are in Texas. If you are currently in the continental United States, the odds are 49 out of 50 that you are not in the same state that they are. Thusly, there is little chance that your own I.Q. will decrease via the process of intellectual osmosis.

And for those who DO live in Texas, simply acquire a copy of Fahrenheit 451 and keep it on your person at all times. This way, if Daddy or Kid are in your general vicinity, you can probably repel them by merely holding it up, thus saving yourself from prolonged exposure.

What? Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself!