Mooninites Invade! Public Terrified! Run for Your Lives!

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's take it from both sides here.

Cartoon Network marketing guys: I can't believe you actually thought that putting illuminated circuit boards in plain sight on bridges and so forth was actually a good strategy to plug the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" movie. That was just plain dumb.

Massachusetts officials: I can't believe you honestly thought a lit sign featuring a geometrically-shaped creature flipping people off was a bomb. That may be even dumber.

After

If you have about 7 minutes or so, please click here.

No set-up necessary, except to say that it's by my friend Andy Kemp. And it KICKS *SS.

And, oh yeah, I'll pass along the recommendation he passed to me...watch it straight through, without interruption. And in a dark room, if you can. :)

(ADDENDUM: The film is now also available here, through Digitribe's official website. Better video and sound, and creepy main page graphics! :) )

A Link and a Observation

-Quick plug for my pal Abby Bollenbacher's excellent blog MISScellania, which I have long-neglected to add to my list 'o links at the side of the page (or, as those who read this blog on MySpace or Facebook know it, "that thing he's talking about which isn't there"). On the blog, Abby has posted an excellent and entertaining entry on last night's Miss America pageant, featuring her observations and commentary on the evening as it unfolded. Even as someone who is not particularly interested in the pageant world, I find Abby's writings on the subject to be very interesting, and her coverage of the pageant, stage by stage, is no exception. Check it out.

-Oh, and if Jack Bauer does indeed have a father, it stands to reason that it could only be someone as awesome as James Cromwell. The only other person who could have done the role justice might have been Donald Sutherland himself, but that level of awesome is probably too much for any one television set to stand.

The World Doesn't Make Sense Anymore

Let us have a moment of silence, for one of the great long-standing traditions in all of human history has fallen.

Yes, the man who drew #30 ACTUALLY WON THE ROYAL RUMBLE.

Tonight, with his Rumble victory, the Undertaker toppled one of the longest-running-running-gags in the history of wrestling, as in its 20 year history, no one who got the supposed “dream number” has ever actually won the event. The writers of the WWF/WWE have cultivated this creative and ironic comment on the vagaries of chance and the determination of the human spirit to overcome them for nearly a quarter of a century. It became a constant, an island of certainty in an ocean of doubt. The sun will rise, Old Faithful will spout, hope will spring eternal, and #30 always loses the Royal Rumble.

And now all that hard work is for nothing. The failure of 19 men before him to capitalize on being essentially handed the victory, all in the name of constructive metaphor, apparently meant little to the Dead Man, who with one fell swoop not only eliminated Shawn Michaels and won a main event slot at WrestleMania, but made the world just a little darker for the loss of a legendary legacy of ineptitude.

Or, more likely, the writers just said, “Ah, what the hell, let Taker win at 30. Who in the whole world will care? Besides Jeff, of course.”

Eh, either way.

(Question…does this possibly mean that other mighty traditions associated with Rumble events might fall this year as well? Dare I ask…could this foretell that a male creator might actually win BGSU Rumble 2K7 in a little less than two weeks time? Well, there’s only one way to find out, and that’s (cheap plug coming) to BE THERE!)

Movie Quote Winners VI: The Undiscovered Quotery!

(The war rages on! Dave's the new leader, Beth and Linds ain't far behind! And hostilities have flared in the comment section among the participants! Come on, guys, can't we all just get along? "Ba weep grana weep ninny bon?")

101. "You wanted to know what makes us human? Well, you aren't gonna find it up here. You went looking in the wrong place." - “Dark City” - Dave

102. “You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.” - “Clerks.” - Beth

103. “When I was your age they would say, we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?” - “The Departed” - Greg

104. “‘Ooooooh, the THIRD rule.’ ‘Well, what's the third rule?' 'Duck!’” - “Twins” - Greg

105. “BROKE INTO THE WRONG GODD*MNED REC ROOM, DIDN’T YOU, YOU B*STARD?!?!?!” - “Tremors” - Natalie

106. “‘This can expired in 1966!’ ‘I don’t see the problem, sir. It still tastes like creamed corn.’ ‘Except that it’s DEVILED HAM!’ ‘That would be a problem.’” - “Down Periscope” - Greg

107. “Go that way! You'll be malfunctioning in a day, you nearsighted scrap pile!” - “Star Wars” - Greg

108. “I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means ‘no.’” - “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl” - Lindsey

109. “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.” - “Finding Nemo” - Lindsey

110. “‘Are you saying…it works? The machine works? Do the kids know?’ ‘Well, yeah, the kids know.’” - “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” - Natalie

111. “Did you know I knew how to play this? From which part of me did this knowledge reside? From this mind? From these hands? From this heart?” - “Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein” - Beth

112. “‘Are you a man of good character where women are concerned?’ ‘Pickering, have you EVER met a man of good character where women are concerned?’” - “My Fair Lady” - Steph

113. “I thought you were good, Paul. But you’re not good. You‘re just another lying ol’ dirty-birdy. And I don’t think I can be around you right now.” - “Misery” - Dave

114. “…I don't remember being born, I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic, but I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world.” - “Forrest Gump” - Steph

115. “1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!” - “American Beauty” - Dave

116. “‘Do I look like I wanna be on the Discovery Channel?’ ‘No.’ ‘Then get the f*ck outta my shop.’” - “Crash” - Beth

117. “No, no. Not Dumbbear.” - “Dances with Wolves” - Steph

118. “I don't know about you, but I intend on writing a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.” - “Titanic” - Lindsey

119. “‘Hoke?’ ‘Yes’m?’ ‘You’re my best friend.’” - “Driving Miss Daisy” - Dave

120. “What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day.” - “The Godfather” -Dave

YOUR SCORECARD:
Dave: 28
Beth: 27
Lindsey: 23
Greg: 13
Steph: 9
Natalie: 6
John: 4
Patrick: 3
J. Michael: 2
E. Sean: 1
Matt: 1
Tracey: 1

A Perfect Moment of Self-Awareness

Hey! I just got my replacement discs in the mail from Warner Home Video! I now have the special edition of "Superman III" that was supposed to come with the box set but didn't, as well as the formerly-misprinted "Superman I" disc! Once I return the new discs to the case, the the set will finally be complete! Huzzah!

Hey! That last paragraph sure makes me sound like the biggest nerd in all human history! Can you guess the chances that I'll get laid at any point in the next 12 months? Pretty minimal!

(Okay, no more self-deprecation, I promise. The thought of writing this entry just made me giggle, so I went for it. Honest, I'm trying to be more self-confident. It was a New Year's resolution. I've nearly made it a month, dammit! I feel like I have to take a shot at myself now and again. I'm like an addict in recovery. This was a relapse. Forgive me. Won't happen again.)

Oh, one more thing...

Am I the only one who considers it a sign of the apocalypse that "Click" has been nominated for an Academy Award?

Thanks, MLB...

Dear Major League Baseball,

It has been a genuine pleasure to watch baseball games from all over the league on your MLB Extra Innings package, which we ordered via our Dish Network subscription. Even though it cost us $150 for the year, we thoroughly enjoyed it, given the sheer amount of material the payment entitled us to receive. So, thank you, for a few years of excellent coverage.

So then, you will understand my relative discontent with the announcement that the Extra Innings package will likely be relocated exclusively to DirecTV this year, meaning that I and thousands of other fans who would have otherwise re-upped our subscriptions are now no longer able to.

You have decided to sell me and fans like me out. Why? More money, naturally. It seems Dish Network is offering an exclusivity deal to you for the price of $100 million per year. The current provider, In Demand, is upping its own offer to compete, but at best their offer will reach only $70 million per year.

Now, let us do some simple mathematics, based upon the available facts in the aforelinked article:

Best estimate states that MLB Extra Innings had approximately 750,000 subscribers.

At 150 bucks each, that equals $112.5 million dollars earned by the service.

BUT, DirecTV is only in 15% of American households. So, let us hypothesize that only 15% of those 750,000 subscribers ordered it through DirecTV. That means only 112,500 viewers, equaling (if current rates hold, which is probably asking a lot) a mere $16.9 million dollars.

Now, let us assume that a LOT of people will not be angered by MLB's sudden change of heart, and decide to follow MLB to DirecTV. Let's be very generous and say their subscriptions double, to 250,000. And let's say, to compensate for the relative lesser amount of viewers, Extra Innings decides to double its price to 300 bucks, since it's become apparent that greed is not a dissuading factor in this scenario. That still only equals $75 million per year, well below what DirecTV will shell out. So forgive me if I can’t quite see what DirecTV gets out of this deal, besides maybe bragging rights.

For DirecTV, of course, is already in the business of making folks pay through the nose for "exclusive" coverage of a beloved sport. Witness their NFL package, which offers much the same deal as Extra Innings , and has been exclusive to their programming for years. For the low, low cost of $20.82 each month for 11 months (or $229.02), fans get access to every game. And that’s the pre-season “bargain” price. And despite the lure of this, ahem, deal, DirecTV has still only cleared 15% of U.S. homes.

I have been very pleased with my Dish Network service. I have no intention of changing providers, even if my favorite sport is relocating its premium service under the guise of “exclusivity.” So MLB, I must inform you that if the deal in question does indeed go through, you will lose at least one subscriber in the transition. And I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not alone.

Sincerely,
Jeff

On Feb. 10th, Who Will Win It All?!?!?

Your complete list of entrants for the BGSU Rumble 2K7: The Final Countdown...

Greg Baker
Kurt Becker
J. Michael Bestul
Laura Butera
Dennis Chastang
Heather Cloete
Mark Cloete
Lindsey Doe
Kevin Duff
Matt Fossa
Beth Freeman
Lisa Fulton
Ryan Halfhill
Kristen Heller
John Hildebrand
Matt Hirth
Andy Kemp
Anne Miller
Jessica Mitolo
Hanna Muessling
Laura Musser
Amanda Myers
Chris Poltrone
Lindsey Ruehl
Stephanie Ruehl
John Serve
Diane Shannon
Caitlin Skaff
Jodie Taylor
James Williams

...yep, that's 30. We have a full boat! Yay!

Now, what fighters did this impressive roster of individuals enter, you ask? Now, now...if you wanna know that, you're just gonna have to come to the event, aren't ya? It's on Saturday, February 10th at 8:00 p.m. Details of location are already known to those on Facebook and MySpace, but if you wanna attend and aren't on either of those, just add a comment and I'll ship you an e-mail ASAP.

Thanks again to all my wonderful friends for indulging me in this little spectacle one last time! Hope to see you there!

Bam Bam

Dammit.

I had just made the comment to a couple people about how, you know, ever since Eddie’s passing, there really hasn’t been a major death in the ranks of professional wrestling. Given the unsettling frequency of folks passing away before then, having over a year without having to deal with such news was wonderful.

Then, today, word came out that Scott “Bam Bam” Bigelow was found dead this morning.

Bigelow was one of those guys who never got the push his talent dictated he should get. For a man who was nearly 400 pounds and moved with the speed and skill of a cruiserweight, he was an amazing worker in an era where amazing workers were in short supply. I first knew of Bammer during his late 80’s WWF stint, where he was a major baby face whose push kinda stalled (some would argue because he was overshadowing headliner Hogan). When he returned to WWF in the mid-90’s, it was as a tremendous mid-to-upper-card heel, who had some great matches with a wide variety of talent. Heck, he even got a good match out of Lawrence Taylor in the main event of WrestleMania XI. Another face turn followed, once again stalled by questionable booking choices, before he left the company in late 1995.

It was during his ECW run, though, that Bigelow really got a chance to shine. Set free from booking constraints and allowed to be the big bad-*ss he could be, Bammer became a main event player for ECW, having great matches with guys like Rob Van Dam, Shane Douglas and Taz. He contributed some of the most memorable moments in ECW history (as when he and Taz crashed through the ring on the Living Dangerously PPV), and was a part of one of the most important heel groups in the company’s history (the Triple Threat, which with Bam Bam’s passing now has only one surviving member). He would leave the company in late 1998 for one last run with WCW, which was largely uneventful aside from a brief feud with Goldberg. Beyond some independent appearances, Bam Bam would not appear in connection with wrestling again.

I had the pleasure of seeing Bam Bam wrestle live on several occasions, and each time I was incredibly impressed with the ability, agility and power of the man from Asbury Park, NJ. He was a remarkable athlete, whose talent should have earned him far more rewards than the business ever gave him.

You will be missed, Bammer.

*deep breath*

(Much wrestling ranting coming, the uninterested should steer clear.)

In the past 12 hours, WWE has released…

-The Gymini, a tag team on Smackdown

-Gangrel, who to the best of my knowledge never made an appearance on TV in this new contract

-Tony Mamaluke, ECW Original, last seen getting squashed by Sylvester Turkay on the ECW PPV

-The Basham Brothers, last seen as “Paul Heyman’s security” on ECW

-Al Snow, though he’ll remain with the company as a trainer in OVW

-CW Anderson, ECW Original, who is currently rehabbing an injury after barely appearing for the company

-Jazz, ECW Original, who appeared on the “ECW vs. WWE” special and dropped off the face of the Earth

-Rodney Mack, her husband, marking the SECOND time in the history of the company that this husband and wife combo have been released together

-Sylvester Turkay, making his squashing of Mamaluke on the PPV that much more significant

Add ‘em up, that’s ELEVEN released in a space of 12 hours. Almost none (with the exception of Turkay) getting anything resembling a push, almost none (except Turkay again) given a decent shot at getting over, and the vast majority of whom got next-to- or no TV time at all.

To those who still like to fancy Vince McMahon a “genius,” I would merely like to ask why he spent the time and effort to sign these 11 names with no apparent intention on doing anything with them, only to release them a few months later.

But, as counter-balance, WWE has announced the signing of ROH mainstay Ace Steel and former TNA talent Cassidy Riley (last seen as Raven’s flunky). And for those who’d like to think WWE will do well by THESE guys, may I simply point out the roles we’ve already seen them in on WWE TV: Steel doing his STELLAR Donald Trump imitation a couple weeks ago on Raw, Cassidy Riley getting squashed by “The Alpha Male” Monty Brown (under his new name, “The Alpha Male” Marquis Cor Von) on ECW.

By the way…MARQUIS COR VON?!?!?! REALLY? THAT’S the new name we slap on Monty for his WWE-ization? I mean, what the f*ck?!?! The guy had built up a pretty decent name for himself in TNA, has a thoroughly workable gimmick and character, has a legitimate sports background, played in multiple Super Bowls, and played in them under his real name, Monty Brown. So what do we do? We KEEP the gimmick name, but jettison his actual name for a MUCH less marketable and awkward one. Thus, Vince McMahon can continue to pat himself on the back and pretend that he invented everything in wrestling history and nothing that anyone else came up with can ever be as good as what he could make himself. You can almost here Gerald Brisco and JBL’s voices right now: “Yeah, Marquis Cor Von, that’s a brilliant idea Mr. McMahon! To heck with using his NFL footage to get him over! You’ll show ‘em, Mr. McMahon! You sure kicked Ted Turner’s *ss, Mr. McMahon!”

Of course, it might be a little hard to hear Jerry and John, given their ongoing policy of stationing themselves no more or less than three inches away from Vince’s backside.

Okay, enough ranting for one day. We now return you to our regularly…oh, wait, one more thing. In TNA, they announced Monty as being from “The Serengeti.” Silly, to be sure, but it played into his jungle gimmick. On ECW, “Marquis” was announced as being from “The Animal Kingdom.” Yep. Apparently now, Monty is not only French, but he hails from a Disney nature documentary. Worst hometown since Damien Demento hailed from “The Outer Reaches of Your Mind.”

Sigh...once again...

After tweaking my account and successfully earning a few months of respite from dealing with the throng, literal THRONG, of Hot Women with Webcams who wanted to be added to my friend's list, I am once again being inundated with communication from Hot Women with Webcams, this time in the form of e-mail. Seriously, at least five in the past 24 hours. So, looks like I must repeat myself. Once again:


Dear Hot Women with Webcams:

I sincerely appreciate that so many Hot Women with Webcams want to add me as a friend on MySpace even though we've never met.

But sorry, Hot Women with Webcams, I'm afraid it just wouldn't work out. I don't know any of you, and I don't add folks I don't know to my list. (Unless they are Samoa Joe or "Weird Al" Yankovic, because it's just too damn cool to have Samoa Joe and "Weird Al" Yankovic as friends.)

Also, Hot Women with Webcams, I have to ask how you all came to the conclusion that I am such a cool person based upon the brief personal snippets I have on my profile. I mean, I AM a cool person, but how do you know so quickly? Maybe you all just have a natural intuition about such things. "Hey, this seems like a nice, stable guy. Maybe he'd be interested in seeing my boobs?"

And about this whole "webcam" thing...sorry, it just seems a bit, well, sudden. We don't even know each other and suddenly you want me to watch you and your hot...excuse me, your "hott" friends "being naughty" via the Internet? Excuse me, but perhaps I should delay seeing this kinda thing until I've at least said, "Hello."

Frankly, Hot Women With Webcams, I'm getting the impression you're just using me to get counter hits. And I refuse to be used. So, thank you for your interest, but no, I will not be adding any Hot Women With Webcams to my friends list.

Besides, if you would have bothered to look at my list, you'd have noticed that I have plenty of hot women as friends already. And guess what? A.) I actually know them, and B.) It is highly unlikely that they will open an e-mail with the question, "Hey, wanna see me get freaky on the web?"

Sincerely,
Jeff

Good News Times Two

Roger posted an update to his official website about his recovery. In brief, it'll still be a while before he's able to resume his duties full-time, either in print or on the show, but he's plugging away at it and says he hopes to return soon.

Also cool: He notes that while he's still recovering, he's been working on the follow-up to "I Hated, Hated, HATED This Movie," his classic collection of hilarious reviews for bad movies.

The new book's tentative title: "Your Movie Sucks."

Rock. :)

An Open Letter to Vince Russo

Dear Mr. Russo:

Quit now. Before you ruin EVERYTHING I like about TNA.

You have held booking authority over the company for about three months. In that time, there have been three PPVs, two of which have been excellent, and none of which have been tainted by, shall we say, “Russo-esque” booking. I was able to ignore the disjointed mess that Impact has mostly become as of ate, because TNA was still delivering to me what I wanted: good wrestling by great talents. As long as the PPVs did that, I’d be okay.

Last night’s show broke up the pattern. I did not order the show, as I am somewhat low on cash and wanted to MAKE SURE the show would be worth it before I spent my $30 bucks. I am glad I took that step, based upon the reports I read. The booking - and because I know your tendencies, I know this was your responsibility - ruined the whole show. Almost EVERY match had an ending that was either too clever by half or completely non-sensical. From AJ Styles preferring to stay down and lose rather than getting gored by Rhino, to the awful end of the PCS, to the first Team 3D/LAX match EVER ending with Brother Runt coming to the ring DRUNK AND DRESSED AS SANTA CLAUS, to the unbearably obvious Abyss interference in the main event…every finish either tainted or destroyed the match it was associated with. Add in the apparently ENDLESS segment with VKM and Christy Hemme, which got MORE TIME THAN THE MAIN EVENT, and you’re left with the worst possible show for TNA at the worst possible time, right when interest is picking up.

The only match which this didn’t affect, thankfully, was apparently the Joe/Angle match, where the two of them once again tore the house down and did their best to save the show. See? No silly, over-the-top, WAY too complex ending, just two wrestlers who can work and work damn well.

That’s all I want to see, really. WWE hasn’t given me that in almost two years. ROH gives me that a lot, but I have to order shows from them on DVD to get it. For my regular dose of quality stuff, I relied on TNA. AJ, Daniels, Joe, Sabin and more had given me great action for years, without cr*p booking getting in the way. With the addition of Angle, all seemed to be in order for the best period in TNA’s history.

It only took one man to ruin that, Mr. Russo. And that man is you.

Leave now.

-Jeff McGinnis

Food for Thought

"Would you go back in time to September 8th, 1858 - 148 years ago today - to witness one of the Lincoln/Douglas debates at Clinton, Illinois? The one during which Abraham Lincoln delivered his remarkable warning to his opponent and to all generations to come:

"‘Justice Douglas cannot fool the people. You may fool people for a time, you can fool part of the people all the time, but you can’t fool all the people, all the time.’

"Problem is, nobody reported or mentioned Lincoln saying that until 1904. There’s no record of it. In fact, the Abraham Lincoln Association concluded three years ago that he never said it.

"Which proves, I guess, that you CAN fool all the people, all the time."

Countdown with Keith Olbermann, 9/8/06

The Bad News Bonds

Man, can you believe the insane run of bad luck a guy like Barry Bonds has to deal with?

I mean, in 2003, he testifies that if he indeed took any performance-enhancing drugs over the course of his career, they were given to him by his trainer and he had NO IDEA that they were, in fact, performance-enhancing drugs. The trainer, Bonds’s longtime friend Greg Anderson, is currently serving time in prison for refusing to testify against Bonds.

And now, after word is leaked that Bonds tested positive for amphetamines last August, he said that he had gotten them from teammate Mike Sweeney and that he had NO IDEA that what he had taken were, in fact, amphetamines. As a result, Sweeney now has to undergo drug testing, too.

Sweeney, at least, got an apology from Bonds - after all this was made public, of course. Anderson is still in prison, and firmly parked under the bus.

Barry? We know. We’ve known for a while. Please stop trying to pin your failings on others - whether those others are Greg Anderson, or Mike Sweeney, or the media, or the baseball establishment, or…well, you get the point. I think it’s time a little of the responsibility fall on those increasingly broad shoulders.

Thing is, there’s still time to fix this. We are a very forgiving nation, really. People let most anything slide if you add the words, “…and I’m sorry.” Heck, I’m even starting to hear the old “Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame” rumblings again, two years after folks assumed he had committed enshrinement suicide by admitting to betting on baseball. It may take a while, but outrage will fade, as long as you face up to the truth.

Mark McGuire learned that lesson the hard way earlier this week. Bonds’s legacy is facing a similar disgrace - a theoretical asterisk bigger than anything Ford Frick could dream up.

But with Bonds a scant 22 home runs away from being the all-time champ, there is still a way out. He could tell the truth. He could apologize. He could face up and take responsibility for his actions. He could bow out gracefully and let Hank Aaron remain atop the mountain.

There’s still a chance, Barry. There’s a chance until the moment #756 sails out of the park. Which is better? A moment of true nobility or a lifetime of doubt?

Ten Random Comments That Just Came to Mind

-You know that horror film “Primeval?” The ads say it’s about the “most prolific serial killer in history?” Makes it look like an heir to “Seven” and “Silence of the Lambs,” right? It’s about a GIANT CROCODILE. No, really. Kinda takes away a big chunk of coolness when you find out that instead of Hannibal or Kevin Spacey, it’s an heir to “Lake Placid” instead, huh?

-Continuing its trend of utterly incompetent publicity stunts, WWE had a match between “Donald Trump” and “Rosie O’ Donnell” on their show tonight. Yep, two impersonators had a match, which Donald won. The most offensive part? The way Vince McMahon himself promoed the match: “It’s the Brash Billionaire vs. the Left-Leaning Lesbian.” Ahem. Did I mention Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle III will be on the TNA PPV this weekend?

-I had a flat tire driving home from work today, which severely shattered my cool.

-Philadelphia rolls of sushi are damn good.

-Hey, national title game. Hey, I really don’t give a cr*p about college football. Hey, as I write, Florida is beating the snot out of OSU. Hey, for some reason, this still kinda bums me. Maybe it’s the residue of regional pride, or because Animal’s kid is a player for OSU. I dunno. I still really don’t care. Ah well.

-Hope Roger can return to regularly writing soon. He’s been turning in one review every couple weeks or so for a few months, which is excellent, but only ends up whetting the appetite for more. Jim Emerson’s articles being the lead story on Roger’s own website are a crime in more ways than one.

-I really love listening to Jim Cornette interviews. It is a simple joy to hear someone speak at length, with great passion and intelligence, about a subject which they love. The fact that the subject is wrestling may be off-putting to some folks, but I still would have Jim front and center at any fantasy dinner party I would ever hold.

-I miss a lot of folks. And love them. You are almost certainly one of them.

-As a budding satirical songwriter, I would like to state for the record that I have not decided, and never will decide, to write a song for the sole purpose of jumping on the “____ in a Box” bandwagon. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you don’t want to, believe me.

-A few spaces left open in the Rumble! Get your characters in while you can!

Alive

"Alive" by Desmond Child, James Michael, Andrea Remanda & Holly Knight
performed on "Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster is Loose"

I'm still alive
Must have been a miracle
It's been a hell of ride
Destination still unknown
It's a fact of life:
If you make one wrong move with a gun to your head
You better walk the line or you'll be left for dead

I'm a runaway train on broken track
I'm the ticker on a bomb that you can't turn back
This time, that's right
I got away with it all and I'm still alive
Let the end of the world come tumbling down
I'll be the last man standing on the ground
As long as hot blood runs trough my veins I'm still alive…

Lost in the night
Feeling so invisible
Oh, a dead man walking the wire
High above the devils net
That's made of fire
And it's a long way down from the top of the world
You better look around or you gonna get burned

I'm a runaway train on broken track
I'm the ticker on a bomb that you can't turn back
This time, that's right
I got away with it all and I'm still alive
Let the end of the world come tumbling down
I'll be the last man standing on the ground
And as the dust clears, look in my eyes—I'm still alive…
I'm still alive…

The darkest night ain't black enough
To keep the morning light from shinin'
The highest wall ain't tall enough
To keep the smallest man from climbin'
The more that you resist the tide
The more it pulls you in
The more you hang on for your life....

(I'm a runaway train on broken track)
(I'm the ticker on a bomb that you can't turn back)
(this time, that's right)
That's right
I got away with it all and I'm still alive

I'm a runaway train on broken track
I'm the ticker on a bomb that you can't turn back
This time, that's right
I got away with it all and I'm still alive
Let the end of the world come tumbling down
I'll be the last man standing on the ground
And if my shadow's all that survives—I'm still alive…
I'm still alive…
I'm still alive…
(I'm a runaway train on broken track)
(I'm the ticker on a bomb that you can't turn back)
I'm still alive…
(let the end of the world come tumbling down)
(I'll be the last man standing)

I'm still alive....

Ding Dong, The Quad is Torn Again...

Hey! Guess what? Triple H tore a quad muscle again!

Yep, literally FIVE YEARS TO THE DAY after he returned from the LAST time he severely tore a quadriceps muscle doing a fairly simple maneuver (in that case, an elbow to the back of Chris Jericho's head), at the pay-per-view tonight, Trips ONCE AGAIN tore a muscle in his leg doing a fairly simple maneuver (in this case, a spinebuster to Randy Orton).

No word yet on the severity of the injury or how long it'll mean he'll be out, but the last time he was on the shelf for 7 months.

Now, far be it from me to take any kind of glee from a severe injury...but you know, this really is a nice bit of karmic payback for the way WWE utterly buried CM Punk after he upstaged H'er Boy and Shawn at Survivor Series.

And hey, if we're lucky, that means we'll have our first WrestleMania in, oh, TEN YEARS that will be completely HHH-free! Maybe I'll actually watch it again!

When a D-Lister Gets a Pinfall in the Forest, Does Anyone Care?

Okay, so, if you didn’t know, WWE brought in Kevin Federline to face WWE champion John Cena on their show on Monday.

No, really.

More over…he won.

No, he didn’t win the title, but he did pin Cena in the middle of the ring thanks to “Why No, I’m Not Samoa Joe” Umaga’s interference. Yep, the WWE put Britney Spears’s ex over their world champion.

Now, WWE’s rationalization of all this was that they were trying to garner publicity and, thus, boost their rating. Well, if you’ve been watching entertainment shows over the past week, you know they got their wish on the publicity end, though the coverage has been less “hey, WWE is hot again!” and more “what the hell was WWE thinking using that Has-Been/Never Was?”

Moreover, WWE has been bragging about how big a rating the show did on Monday, boasting on their website that the show drew 2.5 million viewers more than usual and peaked at 9 million, which would be one of the biggest numbers EVER if that was true. Those who chastised WWE for using Federline would certainly have to shut their mouths at THAT news.

Because of the holiday, the ratings were delayed until the Wrestling Observer broke the story today.

3.9.

For those who don’t keep up with such things, Raw’s been averaging, oh, a 3.5-3.6 in recent weeks. Higher in some, lower in others, but right around there. Yep, Federline’s appearance meant a WHOLE, uh, .2 to .4 of a point more in the overall rating.

Now, that is indeed a big increase from the previous week’s show, which only did a 2.5, but reflect upon the fact that this show was A.) on Christmas, and B.) their annual “Tribute to the Troops” show taped in Iraq, which usually gets a lower rating since it is a pre-taped show.

WWE spent a MONTH on this guy. Hyped him to the moon. Made a monstrous deal out of how he was coming in to wrestle their champ. PUT HIM OVER the guy who is supposedly carrying their company.

And it got them about jack squat.

Oh, look, some more ROH stuff just arrived in the mail. They’re having a sale over at their website, you know. And hey, Impact’s on tonight. Angle/Joe III in two weeks. And while TNA’s booking has gotten really weird lately, I usually still find that the worst ROH & TNA stuff is still more consistently entertaining than McMahon’s Traveling Circus of Oddly Pushed Oddities.

Just saying.

BGSU RUMBLE 2K7: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

On Saturday night, February 10th, an era will end.

For it is on that night that the last BGSU Rumble will be held.

Yep, this is it. End of the line. That’s all folks.

But darn it, we’re going out with a bang. This one will be the biggest BGSU Rumble celebration ever.

As always, 30 fighters created by BGSU folks (or folks who know BGSU folks) will face off. There can be only one winner. Who will take it? Who will be able to walk tall the rest of their lives and say, “I won the last Rumble!” Will it be……………you?

It could be, but only if you enter! Over half the slots in the event are filled up already - if you want your chance at immortality, you better move fast!

Here’s how it works, as if you didn’t know - fill out the form below and send it to me ASAP. One fighter per entrant, please. You don’t have to be there to win…but, of course, it’d be nice if you could.

But the BGSU Rumble is not all that will be taking place that night. Nope, this will be a knock-down drag-out shindig like no other. Well, few other. In addition to the Rumble, the now-traditional BGSU Rumble Trivia Quiz will be held, so bone up on your knowledge of past Rumble events, because these ones will be stumpers! (That one, you WILL have to attend in order to win. And there will be a prize. So there.)

AND, for those interested in seeing me thoroughly humiliate myself, you’ll get your wish, too! You know all those songs I’ve been writing? Have you ever actually wanted to hear what some of them sound like? Well, come to the Rumble and you’ll get your wish! I’ll be performing 6 of the songs live before the event! Yes, I will be singing! I don’t know if this will help or hurt the chances of folks coming, but there it is!

Wow, this is shaping up to be quite a night, eh? We’ll have…

-The Jeff Mac Mini-Concert
-The BGSU Rumble Trivia Quiz
-BGSU Rumble 2K7: The Final Countdown
-Whatever other gaming and socializing goes down afterward
-Punch and pie (or maybe just chips and pop)

So, you’ll be there, right? Right! It’ll be Saturday night, February 10th, at 8:00 p.m. Exact location will be announced in a couple weeks (I have a place in mind and have already talked with the occupant of said place about it, but want to double check with her before I make it official…either way, it’ll be in BG or close to BG), but I wanted to let you guys know the date as early as I could.

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Submit your fighters now! Hope to see you there! I love you all!

5...4...3...2...1...BZZZZZZZZZTTT!!!

-Jeff Mac

ENTRY FORM -

CHARACTER NAME:

WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE:

FIGHTING STYLE:

FINISHING MOVE: