Words to Live By

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectively on sympathy, education, and social relationships; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." - Albert Einstein

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." - Douglas Adams

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." - Benjamin Franklin

"I don't believe in predestination, but I do believe that once you get where ever it is you are going, that is where you were going to be." - Morgan Freeman

"I don't think you understand how unattractive hate is." - Harris K. Telemacher, from "L.A. Story"

"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." - Mohammed Ali

"I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not sure that you are of the same kind. But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave. This is the world of light and speech, and I shall take leave to tell you that you are very dear." - George Eliot (Marion Evans Cross)

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"...people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than for being right." - J.K. Rowling

"It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it." - Jeseph Joubert

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." - Will Rogers

"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?" - George Carlin

"Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in." - Alan Alda

"Sports is the toy department of human life." - Howard Cosell

"Doing research on the Web is like using a library assembled piecemeal by pack rats and vandalized nightly." - Roger Ebert

"Home is where they understand you." - Garfield

"I can't jump high, so I jump from high places." - Mick Foley

"In the 20th Century, no movement will be as great as the movement of the line across the paper, the note across the staff, or the idea across the mind." - Freddy, from "Picasso at the Lapin Agile"

"All censorships exist to prevent anyone from challenging current conceptions and existing institutions. All progress is initiated by challenging current conceptions, and executed by supplanting existing institutions. Consequently the first condition of progress is the removal of censorships. There is the whole case against censorships in a nutshell." - George Bernard Shaw

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." - Groucho Marx

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright

"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head." - Carol Burnett

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels." - Faith Whittlesey

"To me, tragedy is when I cut my finger...And to me, comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks, "The 2000 Year Old Man"

"To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit." - Steven Hawking

"Siskel's Law: Is this movie as interesting as a documentary of the same actors having lunch?" - Gene Siskel

"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." - Mark Twain

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask 'em where they're going and hook up with 'em later." - Mitch Hedberg

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson

"No one cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance." - Dave Barry

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln

"You don't want to be remembered?" "I don't want them to be TOLD to remember me." - Lola and GK, from "A Prairie Home Companion"

"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again." - Clint Eastwood

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness - I hope you're getting this down." - Woody Allen

"If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself, 'It's just a show, I should really just relax."
- "Mystery Science Theater 3000" Theme Song

"Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself." - Charlie Chaplin

"If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster." - Isaac Asimov

"Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent." - Sophia Loren

"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way." - Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

"Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson, "Ulysses"

"May all your stains be large ones." - Jim Mitchell

A More Satisfying Day of Wrestling

Today was, all in all, much better than, say, last Tuesday.

-We start with ordering the TNA Slammiversary PPV, which I've watched MOST of by now (ordered an all-day replay, taped it, am watching it kinda out of sequence) and overall it was a good show. Most everything that should have happened, happened. An awesome X-Division 6-way, Chris Sabin got to look more than competitive against Nash and only lost because of interference (thus making the storyline "Nash is full of cr*p" rather than "Nash really IS better than the X-Division guys"), AJ and Daniels won the tag titles in an excellent match, Jim Cornette is the new face of TNA, and Joe beat Steiner in a match that was a hundred times better than it had any right to be. I swear, Joe could pull a decent match out of a mop if he had to. The only problem was in the main event, which is exactly the WRONG place to have a problem if you want folks to think well of your show. The stipulation on the match was rediculously convoluted, it was WAY overbooked, and the REALLY wrong guy won - Jarrett, again. Now, they're acting like all the controversy means something, but I have read the spoilers (warning if you care), and yes, he has the belt again. Now, HOPEFULLY, this is little more than a set-up for someone else (Joe) to win the belt next month (circumstances will become clearer in the coming weeks), but I really fear that TNA really HASN'T learned the lesson - fans don't boo Jarrett because of heat, they boo him because THEY NEVER WANT TO SEE HIM BE CHAMP AGAIN. The fact that folks were LITERALLY pelting the ring with garbage during the finish should have been a clue. This is the exact wrong kind of heat to have, because it could mean that folks start tuning out. Bad, bad move. Resolve it quick, guys, because if he keeps the title, fan interest could drop, and soon.

-And onto ECW, as there was really no place to go but up after last week. Ergo, the show tonight, as relatively weak compared to the true ECW as it was, ended up being pretty good by comparison. Sabu got to destroy someone, Sandman beat up another pointless comedy gimmick, Tommy got beaten up by Big Show, and a very good main event tag with RVD & Kurt beating Edge and Orton. See? Put an actual wrestling match on there and opinions go up quite a bit. It couldn't hold a candle to the AJ & Chris/AMW match, but for what it was it was good. There was still a great deal of bizarre and dumb stuff - Kelly came out and stripped again, killing ANOTHER five minutes that coulda been saved for wrestling, but at least she got her bra off this time and an angle (of sorts) got started with it. But overall, it was a step in a somewhat right direction, at least. Next step: get the frigging Raw guys off the show and let it build stars on its own merits.

ECW? ECW?

“We were there the final night as well
And at the toll of the last bell
We toasted to a hardcore legacy

“And all those who claimed our bond was just
A mutual extreme bloodlust
Ignored all the love and camaraderie

“For the ties we shared were so much more
Than all the violence and gore

“It was the joy, it was the fun
It was a wrestling rebellion

“And in defiance of their claim
That spirit lives on to this day

“So, if you think you can’t survive,
And doubt that fire stays alive
Remember that uncommon good
Of beers and chairs and brotherhood
Rebel from all that troubles you
And shout, ‘E-C-F*cking-W!’”

-Excerpt from We Were Extreme, by Jeff McGinnis

The above was a song I had written a few years ago, as I struggled to put into words what ECW had meant to me, both as a wrestling fan and as a person. I never shared the song with anyone, as it’s still not fully finished, and maybe never will be. For no song, no words, can every truly sum up how important that company was to so many of its fans, myself included. I post these lines to attempt to offer to all of you (particularly those who aren’t wrestling fans) a taste of what it was like - a massive “f*ck off” to the wrestling establishment, from whom we had been force-fed so much intelligence-insulting garbage.

Now the garbage is coming once again. Only this time, it’s wearing the name “ECW.”

Tonight, the first episode of the “new ECW” aired on the Sci-Fi Channel. To label it a disappointment would be a gross understatement. More like a massive chunk of exploitation designed by Vince McMahon to leech a few bucks off of the fans of a much-beloved property. Some call it a resurrection. I call it p*ssing on the grave.

We start at the top, with the horrific decision to tape the shows at WWE Smackdown tapings. If there is an audience that is more dissimilar to Smackdown than ECW’s, I’ve missed it. There were a few hardcore fans sprinkled in the crowd here and there, but for the most part the result was a completely dead audience who simply were NOT into what they were watching. Well, why should they have been? They came to watch a WWE show. And instead they get a buncha guys they maybe heard of once. The decision to consolidate matters was effective on a budgetary level, I suppose, but from a wrestling level it was a catastrophe.

The opening angle featured RVD, Paul Heyman, Edge, Lita and John Cena. Quite an “ECW” crew there, huh? It was a WWE angle designed to put heat entirely on the WWE guys, and the new world frigging champion was left in the dust.

The only remotely ECW-feeling angle of the night came next, as they mockingly addressed the Sci-Fi Channel’s, ahem, “requests” by introducing the character of “The Zombie” and promptly had him destroyed by the Sandman. A nifty segment, really, except a.) Sandman’s new music is HORRIBLE, and b.) no one cared about Sandman, either. Sigh.

Then they air the entirety of the Lawler/Tazz match from the PPV on Sunday, which lasted like 35 seconds.

Then Kurt Angle came out and beat up Justin Credible for a bit. No angle or anything, really, and the match was the weakest I may have ever seen Angle in. See what’s missing? The first ECW on TNN at least got RVD/Jerry Lynn as THEIR PPV repeat. Where’s the good wrestling? To heck with good, where’s ANY wrestling?

Then out comes “Kelly,” who previously had touted herself as an “exhibitionist” who would “take it all off.” And so she came out, did a striptease, then (I am not making this up) couldn’t get her bra off. No, really. She ended up having to lift it up over her boobs while the strap was still attached in back. Then she turns around (covering her cans with her hands, of course), and leaves. That’s it. No story or anything, we just brought out a hot girl so she’d take her clothes off. Please note, this kind of thing did happen in ECW once, but in that instance it was a desperation tactic to keep the crowd there while they repaired the ring. Here, it may have played a similar role, keeping the viewers there while a broken show was going on.

Then came the “Extreme Battle Royale,” with ten ECW guys facing off with weapons. Okay, nine ECW guys and the Big Show. One guess who gets put over. Big Show single-handedly eliminates EVERYONE, then Sabu hits one move to the back and wins. Way to establish that ECW’s guys are to be taken seriously, morons. And with that, we leave.

You know, when TNA debuted on Spike, the shows could be rocky and uneven, but they were always watchable. And often, you got some awesome action in there. This show made those early TNA days look like Shakespeare.

The first ECW show ever, back in 1993, featured Terry Funk at one point turning to the camera and saying something to the effect of, “Stay with us, folks, we will get better at this.” Maybe this new incarnation of ECW is the same way. Maybe they’ll learn that they need hardcore crowds for this to fly. Maybe they’ll stop pushing WWE-made guys so much. Maybe they’ll give wrestling matches time and let them actually work. Maybe they’ll learn.

And maybe my *sshole will learn to chew gum.

For now, though, I can’t help but remember back to the time in my life that inspired those lines above, and how much it meant to me. And I can’t help but think that this new incarnation might end up dulling my fond memories of that bygone era. And also, even worse, take attention away from some much better and TRULY independent companies (TNA, ROH) with much better talents (Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Chris Sabin, Low Ki, etc.) which deserve the hardcore fan’s dollar more. (Don’t get me started on how TNA is treating the X-Guys right now, themselves…sufficed to say, if Joe’s streak ends next Sunday at the hands of SCOTT STEINER, there will be another rant here then.)

PWInsider.com recently posted an article about how the old days were gone and weren’t coming back, but we should embrace this new brand as a fun alternative. The title was, “ECW Is Dead, Long Live ECW.”

They were half right.

For those interested...

The Wrestlecrap family has inaugurated the John Tenta Memorial Fund in honor of Big John, accessible through PayPal. Visit the Wrestlecrap webpage for details.

Ups and Downs

Life is balance. You have the good and the bad.

-The Good: I got to see the Beautiful Kids Independent Shakespeare production of “Love’s Labours Lost” in dress rehearsal last night, and it was really good. A lot of parts were still very rough, obviously, but there are a lot of excellent performances from a lot of excellent performers in there, and the sum total is a very good show. If you’re free this weekend, get out and support them at the B.G. city park at 6 p.m., tonight through Saturday!

-The Bad: Work is kicking my butt, and my feet and ankles aren’t holding up as well as they have in the past. Oh, and we’re now getting “Cars” in the Director’s Hall this weekend. Agony.

-The Good: Anne will be coming on Friday! Yay! Lindsey on Saturday! Double yay! I got to see Amanda this past weekend! Triple yay!

-The Bad: Saying goodbye to Jess last night, as she’ll be leaving soon for Cleveland for the summer, and from there leaving for, well, the rest of her life. I wanted to make sure I got a chance to see her before she departed, so I could tell her just how much being her friend has meant to my life. I’m very grateful I got that chance, and Jess, if you’re reading this, know that I meant every word I said. Love you, dude, be safe out there, and kick some major butt!

-The Good: ECW relaunches this weekend with One Night Stand.

-The Bad: The card features Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton. Doesn’t exactly scream “ECW,” does it?

-The Good: My copy of the Best of Samoa Joe arrived today via Amazon. I paid a lot for overnight shipping (I get impatient, okay?), but it was well, WELL worth it. If anyone out there has a Media Play/Sam Goody/Suncoast anywhere near them and even a passing interest in pro wrestling, you must own this. It's cheap and the matches on here are simply unreal. The Unbreakable match in DVD quality is worth the price of admission alone (don't believe me, click here), and that's just ONE MATCH. You also get EVERY PPV match Joe was in from his debut to Final Resolution, including the two A.J. classics, the Elimination X from Genesis, the Daniels rematch, the Sabin bout from No Surrender, and more. Plus Joe gives a lot of great interviews on everything from how he broke in to how he very nearly gave up on wrestling (NO!) before he signed with TNA (YAY!). Simply put, everything is complete, and there is not a bad match on this collection. GET ALL THIS!

-The Bad: John "Earthquake" Tenta passed away yesterday after a long bout with bladder cancer. He was only 42. Tenta was not only a really good big man who was consistently entertaining as a performer and as a character, but also a damn good man who loved his family and was exceedingly nice and gracious to his fans. The past few years he became heavily involved with the wonderful Wrestlecrap website, where he became a regular interview-ee and contributor to their forum, and even wrote the forward to the first Wrestlecrap book. When he was diagnosed, the fans of Wrestlecrap were the first people he told, and the outpouring of love and support was truly touching. Through all the hardships he faced as he fought for his life, Tenta continued to post updates and answer questions, and by all accounts never was anything but the most kind-hearted and giving of people to anyone he met. You never, ever, heard a bad word about Tenta. I enjoyed Earthquake the character, but I grew to like and respect John Tenta the man even more. His passing saddens me greatly, and I pass along my thoughts and condolences to his family, who he frequently spoke of proudly and who he put first above all. In the foreword to Wrestlecrap, he wrote, "Some people asked why I agreed to play the role of a fish man. The answer is plain and simple, if I hadn't, there were plenty of other people who would have. I just wanted to be able to provide for my family. I was just a guy trying to make a living. Take away my gimmicks, good and bad, and I'm just a regular person like you." Yes, John, you were, but no, you weren't. Your courage and kindness in the face of such hardship shows that you were, in fact, so much more than just a regular person. Rest in peace, Quake.

(Wrestlecrap has posted a particularly touching tribute right here.)

I want my JoeTV!

Why must Best Buy have their collective heads shoved so far up their collective keisters?

After MONTHS of waiting, today was to be the day that the single greatest wrestling DVD ever concieved of, The Best of Samoa Joe, was available. I made a special trip to Best Buy to grab a copy before work...

...only to find no copies available. I asked a rep, who checked in the back and said that they didn't have any, but to call tomorrow, as there was a lot of new merchandise to catalogue.

Undeterred, I called the OTHER Best Buy in town to see if they had any. The sales rep there told me that not only did they not have any, but their records indicated that it wasn't scheduled to be released until JULY 4TH.

There was nothing to be done over the phone, particularly since I was calling from work and screaming in anguish would have probably gotten me fired.

I come home and do a little digging and find out an interesting fact - the DVD is, in fact, now available in other major retailers, particularly those affiliated with Musicland, i.e. Media Play, Sam Goody, Suncoast, etc.

Yeah. Guess what stores went out of business in the ENTIRE Toledo area in the past year? Media Play, Sam Goody and Suncoast.

So, I'm screwed. I'm gonna try a few places before I head to work tomorrow, but I am holding out little hope on this one. My gut reaction is I'm gonna have to order it over Amazon, which with shipping will be a lot more than I was planning on paying.

Oh, and I also found out that EVERY Best Buy in the country, apparently, is having the same problem as the local ones, as fans the nation over have been told the fib that Joe won't be out until next month. Between this and the Metal Gear Solid debacle a while back, it's purely a matter of necessity that I'm still shopping in that store.

Heh...oops.

Hi. I screwed up.

Either the calendar I was looking at was messed up, or (more likely) I'm a moron, but July 11th is actually a *Tuesday*. Whoops.

The actual date of the Jack Sparrow Memorial will be Saturday, July *8th*. Everything else still applies.

Meantime, keep them fighters coming!

The Jack Sparrow Memorial Tournament 2006: The Quest to Beat Matt!

Two years ago, it was the Human Seat Check.

Last year, it was Jonni Mooch.

This year, it all comes down to one question:

Can someone OTHER than Matt Hirth win this tournament?

We’ll find out on Saturday, July 11th, as we hold the Jack Sparrow Memorial Tournament 2006: The Quest to Beat Matt!

The way it works? Easy. 32 fighters, created by BGSU folks for the SmackDown video game, will enter. Names will be drawn out of a hat. First round, 4 fighters will face off in a table match, controlled by the computer. Winning fighters move on to the second round, which is a pair of ladder matches for the 8 survivors. Then, the final two participants will face off in a cage match. As always, no one controls their own fighters - heck, you don’t even have to attend the event to win (though it’s always more fun if the winner is there when it happens…).

The winner of the tournament will receive the coveted Golden Benoit trophy, as well as another prize (it’s a secret, shhh) and the everlasting fame and honor connected with the achievement. Second place gets a can of Coke. (We at the Jack Sparrow Memorial like to remind people that second place is just the first loser.) The third place winner (determined by the Runner-Up Royal Rumble) receives the only slightly less coveted Bronze Benoit trophy.

How do you enter? Easy:

If you’ve entered a character before and just wanna re-enter him or her again, just lemme know and they’re in.

If you wanna enter a new character, just fill out the quick questionaire below. It can be anything - someone inspired by pop culture, based upon a BGSU personality (Steve Boone was mighty popular in the Rumble this year!), based on yourself, an original creation, ANYTHING. The only limits are your imagination.

Deadline for entry will be Sunday, June 25th, but don’t wait if you wanna enter - the Rumble this year filled up amazingly quick with all 30 spots gone in record time. Let’s see if we can beat that record this time around!

The event will be held on Saturday, July 11th (location to be determined)! Good luck to all involved, and thank you all so VERY much for participating!

-Jeff

P.S. - In honor of the tournament’s inspiration, at the event there will be a jar to collect donations for the Seth Trim Memorial Fund.

CHARACTER SHEET:

NAME:

APPEARANCE (What your character looks like, natch):

MOVES (He/she a high flyer? Technical wrestler? Submission master? Powerful? What type of offense does he/she have? If you know wrestling, what wrestler's moves does your character have?):

FINISHING MOVE (How does your character end the match?):

ENTRANCE (How your fighter enters the arena):