ECW? ECW?

“We were there the final night as well
And at the toll of the last bell
We toasted to a hardcore legacy

“And all those who claimed our bond was just
A mutual extreme bloodlust
Ignored all the love and camaraderie

“For the ties we shared were so much more
Than all the violence and gore

“It was the joy, it was the fun
It was a wrestling rebellion

“And in defiance of their claim
That spirit lives on to this day

“So, if you think you can’t survive,
And doubt that fire stays alive
Remember that uncommon good
Of beers and chairs and brotherhood
Rebel from all that troubles you
And shout, ‘E-C-F*cking-W!’”

-Excerpt from We Were Extreme, by Jeff McGinnis

The above was a song I had written a few years ago, as I struggled to put into words what ECW had meant to me, both as a wrestling fan and as a person. I never shared the song with anyone, as it’s still not fully finished, and maybe never will be. For no song, no words, can every truly sum up how important that company was to so many of its fans, myself included. I post these lines to attempt to offer to all of you (particularly those who aren’t wrestling fans) a taste of what it was like - a massive “f*ck off” to the wrestling establishment, from whom we had been force-fed so much intelligence-insulting garbage.

Now the garbage is coming once again. Only this time, it’s wearing the name “ECW.”

Tonight, the first episode of the “new ECW” aired on the Sci-Fi Channel. To label it a disappointment would be a gross understatement. More like a massive chunk of exploitation designed by Vince McMahon to leech a few bucks off of the fans of a much-beloved property. Some call it a resurrection. I call it p*ssing on the grave.

We start at the top, with the horrific decision to tape the shows at WWE Smackdown tapings. If there is an audience that is more dissimilar to Smackdown than ECW’s, I’ve missed it. There were a few hardcore fans sprinkled in the crowd here and there, but for the most part the result was a completely dead audience who simply were NOT into what they were watching. Well, why should they have been? They came to watch a WWE show. And instead they get a buncha guys they maybe heard of once. The decision to consolidate matters was effective on a budgetary level, I suppose, but from a wrestling level it was a catastrophe.

The opening angle featured RVD, Paul Heyman, Edge, Lita and John Cena. Quite an “ECW” crew there, huh? It was a WWE angle designed to put heat entirely on the WWE guys, and the new world frigging champion was left in the dust.

The only remotely ECW-feeling angle of the night came next, as they mockingly addressed the Sci-Fi Channel’s, ahem, “requests” by introducing the character of “The Zombie” and promptly had him destroyed by the Sandman. A nifty segment, really, except a.) Sandman’s new music is HORRIBLE, and b.) no one cared about Sandman, either. Sigh.

Then they air the entirety of the Lawler/Tazz match from the PPV on Sunday, which lasted like 35 seconds.

Then Kurt Angle came out and beat up Justin Credible for a bit. No angle or anything, really, and the match was the weakest I may have ever seen Angle in. See what’s missing? The first ECW on TNN at least got RVD/Jerry Lynn as THEIR PPV repeat. Where’s the good wrestling? To heck with good, where’s ANY wrestling?

Then out comes “Kelly,” who previously had touted herself as an “exhibitionist” who would “take it all off.” And so she came out, did a striptease, then (I am not making this up) couldn’t get her bra off. No, really. She ended up having to lift it up over her boobs while the strap was still attached in back. Then she turns around (covering her cans with her hands, of course), and leaves. That’s it. No story or anything, we just brought out a hot girl so she’d take her clothes off. Please note, this kind of thing did happen in ECW once, but in that instance it was a desperation tactic to keep the crowd there while they repaired the ring. Here, it may have played a similar role, keeping the viewers there while a broken show was going on.

Then came the “Extreme Battle Royale,” with ten ECW guys facing off with weapons. Okay, nine ECW guys and the Big Show. One guess who gets put over. Big Show single-handedly eliminates EVERYONE, then Sabu hits one move to the back and wins. Way to establish that ECW’s guys are to be taken seriously, morons. And with that, we leave.

You know, when TNA debuted on Spike, the shows could be rocky and uneven, but they were always watchable. And often, you got some awesome action in there. This show made those early TNA days look like Shakespeare.

The first ECW show ever, back in 1993, featured Terry Funk at one point turning to the camera and saying something to the effect of, “Stay with us, folks, we will get better at this.” Maybe this new incarnation of ECW is the same way. Maybe they’ll learn that they need hardcore crowds for this to fly. Maybe they’ll stop pushing WWE-made guys so much. Maybe they’ll give wrestling matches time and let them actually work. Maybe they’ll learn.

And maybe my *sshole will learn to chew gum.

For now, though, I can’t help but remember back to the time in my life that inspired those lines above, and how much it meant to me. And I can’t help but think that this new incarnation might end up dulling my fond memories of that bygone era. And also, even worse, take attention away from some much better and TRULY independent companies (TNA, ROH) with much better talents (Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Chris Sabin, Low Ki, etc.) which deserve the hardcore fan’s dollar more. (Don’t get me started on how TNA is treating the X-Guys right now, themselves…sufficed to say, if Joe’s streak ends next Sunday at the hands of SCOTT STEINER, there will be another rant here then.)

PWInsider.com recently posted an article about how the old days were gone and weren’t coming back, but we should embrace this new brand as a fun alternative. The title was, “ECW Is Dead, Long Live ECW.”

They were half right.