Five Years Later

(I posted the following commentary on September 11, 2003, to my Xanga blog.)

I remember that day clearly, still. Who doesn't?

I remember coming in to work on the third floor of South. I remember standing and talking to someone when Geoff came up and said, "Hey, did you hear? A plane just hit the World Trade Center." I remember my first thought: It's an accident. Gotta be. I mean, that plane hit the Empire State Building in the 30's, after all. What else could it be?

I remember walking down to the Grad Lab and bringing up Yahoo, to check the news headlines. The first "In The News" headline: "Two Planes Strike World Trade Center." Two planes. My first thought rocked me to my core and still does: That can't be an accident.

I remember walking over to the Box Office. I wasn't opening that day, but I still walked there. We had a TV in there. A crowd was already there, about 10 or so. By the time I arrived, the first tower had already collapsed. I watched for the next hour or so, long enough to see the second tower go. I remember how unreal it all seemed. I went downstairs to call Heather (I didn't have my cell phone yet), but she was too distraught to say anything, and asked me to please call later. I hung up.

I remember walking over to South Hall. More TVs there. Everything on, everything open, everyone watching, listening. No one talking. Conversation seemed meaningless. I walked around in a daze all day. I really didn't know anyone in New York. I have no family there. But that day, it didn't seem like it mattered, did it?

The next thing I remember strongly was taking a movie back to Meijer to exchange it for another copy. I have no idea why. It just felt like - it was something for me to do. Maybe if I focused on a meanial task - something tangible, simple, easy - I could shut out of my mind the things that I couldn't do.

I also remember going to Myles that night. Theta was cancelled, naturally, but there was a gathering at Myles. Drinks on the house, we sat and we watched the news and we still didn't talk much. Lots of hugs, lots of tears, not many words.

The world has changed a lot in the past two years, but in some ways, it hasn't changed at all. That day, I believe, saw some of the best traits of human nature come forth. The bravery of those who gave their lives trying to help. The sympathy and empathy of a nation. The giving that would follow - millions of volunteers giving blood or helping the rescue effort. All this happened, and all this I find heartening as a human being.

Of course, that day also saw some of the worst traits in human nature come out, both by those who committed these horrible atrocities, and by some of those who responded to them here at home through suspicion and violence.

It is only through keeping that eye of balance - weighing the actions and reactions of everyone involved - that I believe we truly pay just homage and respect to the victims of the attack. We recall events because we are living beings with memory. We feel and comprehend because we are human beings with the abilty to think. Somewhere in between these is the proper reaction to the horrors of that day. A reaction best summed up by the simple phrase:

I remember.