Dear Hot Women with Webcams,

I sincerely appreciate that so many Hot Women with Webcams want to add me as a friend on MySpace even though we've never met.

But sorry, Hot Women with Webcams, I'm afraid it just wouldn't work out. I don't know any of you, and I don't add folks I don't know to my list. (Unless they are Samoa Joe or "Weird Al" Yankovic, because it's just too damn cool to have Samoa Joe and "Weird Al" Yankovic as friends.)

Also, Hot Women with Webcams, I have to ask how you all came to the conclusion that I am such a cool person based upon the brief personal snippets I have on my profile. I mean, I AM a cool person, but how do you know so quickly? Maybe you all just have a natural intuition about such things. "Hey, this seems like a nice, stable guy. Maybe he'd be interested in seeing my boobs?"

And about this whole "webcam" thing...sorry, it just seems a bit, well, sudden. We don't even know each other and suddenly you want me to watch you and your hot...excuse me, your "hott" friends "being naughty" via the Internet? Excuse me, but perhaps I should delay seeing this kinda thing until I've at least said, "Hello."

Frankly, Hot Women With Webcams, I'm getting the impression you're just using me to get counter hits. And I refuse to be used. So, thank you for your interest, but no, I will not be adding any Hot Women With Webcams to my friends list.

Besides, if you would have bothered to look at my list, you'd have noticed that I have plenty of hot women as friends already. And guess what? A.) I actually know them, and B.) It is highly unlikely that they will open an e-mail with the question, "Hey, wanna see me get freaky on the web?"

Sincerely,

Jeff