Memo to Rulon Gardner

Now, maybe this is just me talking, but after this latest incident, if I were you, I'd strongly consider never leaving the house again.

I mean, many of us would be lucky to go a whole lifetime and only once have to, say, get stranded in the wildnerness and lose a toe to frostbite, or get impaled by an arrow, or survive a terrible motorcycle accident, or crash a plane into 40 degree water and swim an hour, somehow avoiding hypothermia. And yet, in your lifetime, somehow ALL these things have happened to you.

I don't believe in fate, but methinks you should seriously quit while you're ahead. Who knows, next week you could be walking down the street and get broadsided by a tractor trailer carrying 30,000 pounds of bananas or something.

Or maybe we should look at it another way: he's Superman. He's been through all this and somehow has come out none the worse for wear. Hell, he even won another Olympic medal. Maybe he's a strange visitor from another planet with recooperative powers far beyond those of mortal men.

Or maybe not. All I'm saying is, if an extremely barrel-chested masked man suddenly starts thwarting crimes across the country, don't be surprised.