Royal Rumble '89

So it’s a year later. Hulk Hogan has finally lost the title after four years, and it took massive controversy and twin referees to do it. Randy Savage rises to the main event level at long last, though his reign will sadly be cut short by the political juggernaut that is Hulkamania a few months after this. The world learns that Andre the Giant has but one weakness: “Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?” Some skinny guy named “Shawn Michaels” joins the company as half of a tag team called the Rockers. And all this could only mean one thing: It was time to Rumble. And now, we’re gonna make you pay to watch it.

Royal Rumble 1989
Houston, Texas
1/15/1989

I would be remiss if I didn’t note that they overdub the music on the old WWF logo screen (the “flying over the Grand Canyon” one), though that may have more to do with the fact that Gene Okerlund refers to it as “the WWF” than to the musical rights.

The show is hosted by Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura, my favorite commentary team ever. This would be the only Rumble they ever did together.

2 Out of 3 Falls: The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers & Dino Bravo (w/ Jimmy Hart and Frenchy Martin) vs. The Hart Foundation and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
Man, ANOTHER 2 out of 3 match. Ah well, that ain’t bad. (Rimshot, please.) The Rougeaus are Jacques and Raymond, legitimately brothers and really talented wrestlers who always seemed very out-of-place in 80’s WWF. Their gimmick was quite ingenious: they were obviously from Canada, so they did nothing but talk about the USA and how great it was, which got them heel heat because they were obviously trying to suck up. It was kinda like the gimmick Kurt Angle would have ten years later. Sadly, the team comes out to Dino Bravo’s music rather than the kick-*ss Rougeau theme, which has a bit in French which, translated, becomes “We hate Americans/Because they are the worst/We love to make them mad when we say/‘We love the USA!’” Quite hilarious and brilliantly subtle for its time period. The Harts are naturally Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, now babyfaces after splitting from Jimmy Hart. There are storylines here: Jimmy is paying the Rougeaus the percentage of the Foundation’s contract that he still owns, which rightly p*sses them off. And Duggan and Bravo are feuding because…well, because Bravo’s Canadian and by god, that’s reason enough for Duggan. Anyway, match is a very energetic affair with TONS of crowd heat. I mean, this audience is popping for EVERYTHING. Smartly, Bret wrestles most of the match for his team, as he’s the one that can, you know, wrestle. First fall ends with the heels hitting all their finishers on him in order (talk about overkill) and pinning him easily. Bret starts fall #2 as Face in Trouble, and takes a major pounding. This includes my dad’s favorite wrestling moment of all time: Bret, writhing in agony and trapped in an Abdominal Stretch, takes time out to pull up his kneepads. Heh. Finally, Bret hits an atomic drop on Jacques and makes the hot (and I mean HOT) tag to Hacksaw, who is a House Afire and Hell, naturally, Breaks Loose. He drops an elbow on Raymond to take the second fall. Third fall sees Duggan become Face In Trouble for a while, before making an improbable hot tag to Bret (considering the beating Bret took). Duggan connects with that most classic of technical maneuvers, the 2x4 to the back of Dino Bravo’s head, to give Bret the pin and his team the win. Very fun opener and a super-hot crowd.

First ever Rumble-Entrants-Pick-Their-Numbers segment! There are WAY more than 30 numbers in the tumbler they have. Ted DiBiase seems displeased about his selection, but then starts “negotiating” with Slick about the numbers he drew for his wrestlers. The Bushwhackers swap numbers. Honky Tonk seems displeased. Bad News Brown (R.I.P., dude) says it’s “good news for Bad News.” Demolition both comment that they have a long night ahead of them. Jake Roberts says that he hopes Andre’s still in there when he gets there. The Rockers wish each other luck.

The Super Posedown: “Ravishing” Rick Rude vs. The Ultimate Warrior
Rude is still a mid-card heel, though the feud that ignites here would catapult him up the card. The Warrior is now firmly established and is the Intercontinental Champion, finally ending the Honky Tonk Man’s ENDLESS reign. Speaking of endless, we have this segment, to determine who has the best build in the WWF, and the fans will decide the winner. If you can’t figure out who will get the fans’ vote, and what will happen as a result, you are not a wrestling fan. They edit out Rude calling himself the “best-built man in the WWF,” for obvious reasons. Heenan’s mike work is entertaining and the bickering between Jess and Gorilla makes it tolerable, but the segment is still really dull. Rude announces pose, Rude does pose, Warrior does pose, lather, rinse, repeat. Finally, Rude snaps and hits Warrior with his workout bar, then retreats. Warrior wakes up, snaps and beats people up before chasing after him. Set up their Mania match nicely (where Rude shocked the world and beat the Warrior, albeit with Heenan‘s help), but this was really a waste of PPV time.

Women’s Title Match: Rockin’ Robin (champion) vs. Judy Martin
Robin is Jake Roberts’s sister, and comes out to brother Sam Houston’s music. She had won the title from Sensational Sherri shortly before this, who in turn had relieved it from the Fabulous Moolah’s vice grip, as Moolah had been champion for pretty much the previous 30 years. No, I’m not kidding. Anyway, Sherri cuts a promo on both before the match begins, challenging the winner, and given how good at promos Sherri is it’s a bit sad how bad this one is. She joins the commentary team and does better there, though. The match isn’t much special, and the crowd’s not reacting much at all until Robin pins Martin with a cross body off the second rope. Short and uneventful. The WWF would forget the Women’s Title existed shortly after this (it wouldn’t return until 1993), and Sherri would be joined at the hip with Randy Savage at WrestleMania two months later.

Sean Mooney interviews Slick and his men, the Big Boss Man and Akeem, known as the Twin Towers. Whoa, talk about tag team names that would NEVER get used today. Mooney brings up DiBiase’s apparent negotiations, which Slick denies, even when presented with video evidence. Keep this in mind.

Meanwhile, Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan are heading out of the arena to get away from the Warrior, which makes it weirder when Heenan comes out with his wresters for the Rumble in a few minutes, not to mention his involvement in the next match.

And now, we interview…more managers! Mr. Fuji: The Powers of Pain will win! Elizabeth: The Mega-Powers will win! Jimmy Hart: Valentine or Honky will win!

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura is on the throne. Nyuk nyuk. Jesse talks about how comfortable the chair is and waxes rhapsodic about how maybe he should run for King, perhaps foreshadowing his political career. This sets up the next match:

Match for the Crown: King Haku vs. Harley Race
Your storyline: Race suffered what would turn out to be a legit career-ending injury at the hands of Hulk Hogan. As a result, a distraught Bobby Heenan was forced to crown a new king, Haku. Now, Race is back and wants his crown back. That’s about it. Not much in the way of crowd reaction for this match, since they’re both pretty much heels, though Race is kind-of the de facto babyface. Heenan is the best part of the match, rooting for each participant in turn when they are in control. Not bad, but fairly dull. Finish comes when Haku ducks a clothesline and nails a STIFF side kick for the pinfall to retain his crown. Sadly, this would pretty much be Race’s last match. Man, they have killed the crowd dead with the past few segments.

More interviews: Brutus Beefcake says he’ll win. Greg Valentine says he’ll win. Mr. Fuji says the Powers of Pain will win…uh, again. Big John Studd says he’ll win. Mr. Perfect says he’ll win. Macho Man says he’ll win. One of these guys is right.

Gene interviews Ted DiBiase, who seems a LITTLE happier about his number than he did an hour ago.

And Sean Mooney interviews the Heenan Family’s entrants, Andre and the Brainbusters. Wow, we are REALLY stalling for time, here.

And after all that talking, MORE TALKING! This time, Hogan, who wants to win and eliminate current feud-ee the Big Boss Man.

And now, FINALLY…

The Royal Rumble
The Fink runs down the rules, which are pretty much the rules as they will stay from now on, give or take some time from the intervals.

First Two Entrants: #1. Ax from Demolition, #2. Smash from Demolition
And we start with a classic moment, as both halves of the WWF Tag Team Champs draw 1 and 2, and now have to fight each other. And, better yet, the classic Demolition theme song is still on here in all its glory, even though it had been edited out of earlier releases. This pleases me mightily, as the Demos’ song may be my favorite theme of all time. Anyway, the freshly face-turned Ax and Smash (the crowd still isn’t really cheering them at this point, though this match would do a lot to change that) tear into each other for the whole two minutes, until the clock appears (still no countdown from the crowd) to herald the entrance of…

#3. Andre the Giant
Now HERE’s a fine how-do-you-do. Heenan comes out with Andre, then turns around and leaves, as this year no managers are allowed at ringside. The Demos quickly shelve their brawl and attack Andre, drawing a big pop from the crowd. They try to get him out, to no avail, as Andre fights them off. The crowd FINALLY, tentatively, starts counting down with the clock.

#4. “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig
We were still referring to him by his real name at this point, though the nickname would soon completely replace the real one. He also had his old short trunks, though he’d switch to the classic Olympic tights at Mania. Perfect starts attacking everyone, busting up the attack on Andre, allowing Andre to casually eliminate Smash. Ax and Perfect unite to work over Andre. Perfect is in all his glory overselling everything Andre does. The countdown is quite loud from now on.

#5. “Rugged” Ronnie Garvin
Garvin is the much-maligned former-NWA champ, though *I* always liked the guy. He’d also have a hell of a good match the following year at the Rumble with Valentine. We’ll get to that later. Anyway, one big Garvin shot ties Andre up in the ropes, and all three of the non-giants work him over. He still doesn’t go out, though. Andre casually sits on Ax in the corner while repelling the attack of the other two.

#6. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine
Hammer quickly joins the Andre-beating, but they STILL can’t get the big guy out of there. He even eliminates Garvin with one hand. If he wasn’t our top heel, Andre’s effort would be applauded here. The Giant starts dominating the ring.

#7. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Huge pop for Jake, who was feuding with Andre at the time over Andre’s snake phobia. And you think feuds NOW are silly. Andre meets him coming in and starts beating the hell out of him right away, not giving Jake a chance to breathe. The others in the ring work each other over, letting Andre do his damage to Jake.

#8. “The Outlaw” Ron Bass
Bass’s crowning moment is right here. See, he’d been feuding with Brutus Beefcake, culminating, as most of Beefcake’s feuds did, with Brutus cutting Bass’s hair. Thing is, the Saturday Night’s Main Event where Bass gets shaved would air AFTER this, but was taped BEFORE this, so Bass comes out bald and no one knows why. Ah well. Andre eliminates Jake really easily, shocking the crowd. Unique booking, as we have only one babyface in there at this point: Ax. Everyone pairs off into corners.

#9. Shawn Michaels
Shawn makes his Rumble debut to a very high-pitched pop, as the Rockers are teen heartthrobs at this point. If I told you that two of the entrants in this Rumble would go on to win it twice in a row, who amongst you would have picked Shawn as one of them? Sometimes you just can’t call it. Perfect finally eliminates Ax with a backdrop, and then Shawn and Perfect pair off to show how great they are as workers by putting on a sequence that puts EVERYONE else in the match to shame. Andre chokes out Bass and Valentine takes a breather.

#10. Butch from the Bushwhackers
Ah, the Bushwhackers. Let us take a moment to reflect on all the great wrestling moments your WWF tenure brought us…okay, moment over. Crowd’s pop gets MUCH louder when Jake Roberts comes back out with Damien (his snake, for the uninitiated), which causes Andre to eliminate himself in fear, to a huge pop. This set up their epic match at WrestleMania, and by “epic” I mean “duller than dishwater.” The ring is considerably more focused on “every man for himself” now that Andre’s gone.

#11. The Honky Tonk Man
Honky is so over that when fellow heel Mr. Perfect tries to eliminate him, the crowd cheers huge for Perfect. His was resentment heat, though (as in, “this guy is so bad we hate his guts for real” - also known as “X-Pac Heat“), and he really stunk in the ring. Not much going on, though Shawn teases elimination to keep the crowd in it.

#12. Tito Santana
Tito’s now a singles babyface, though he’ll re-team with Martel at WrestleMania, setting up Martel’s heel turn and subsequently setting up Tito and Martel feuding for, like, two years. Still not much going on.

#13. Bad News Brown
Bad News is being groomed for main event heel push at this point, though that would be derailed by Randy Savage turning heel for WrestleMania. Tito and Butch team up to eliminate Honky to a big pop. Shawn hits a top rope move on Bad News and Bass, then AGAIN teases elimination.

#14. Marty Jannetty
The other half of the Rockers shows up and quickly the two of them team up to eliminate Bass with a double dropkick. Tito hits the Hammer with his flying forearm, but can’t eliminate him.

#15. “Macho Man” Randy Savage
Savage is the WWF champion at this point, and his feud is with Bad News, because Brown claimed that Savage was ducking him and that Elizabeth was “doing favors” for WWF president Jack Tunney. That was as close to edgy as WWF feuds would get until the mid-90’s. Savage attacks News to a HUGE pop. Randy was about as over as Hogan at this point and a WAY better worker, so of course, we turn him heel and give the belt back to Hogan two months later. Sigh. Everyone pairs off once again. Dream match that never quite happened: Perfect vs. Savage.

#16. Arn Anderson
Arn was half of the Brainbusters tag team, in the WWF for a cup of coffee and a tag title reign before Arn headed back to WCW. Arn and Shawn pair off quickly, as the Busters and the Rockers had an unstated feud for the Busters whole tenure, since they came in at the same time. Arn is probably the best worker who never got a world title push, IMO, always overshadowed by his buddy Ric Flair, but that’s just my sour grapes. Foreshadowing: Savage teams up with heel Arn to eliminate babyface Michaels. Don’t sweat it, Shawn, in another five years you’ll win two in a row. Arn gets crotched on the top rope by Jannetty and teases elimination.

#17. Tully Blanchard
Tully is the other half of the Busters, and that’s twice already in one Rumble where both members of a tag team come out back-to-back. Keep this in mind. Tully saves Arn from elimination, and Bad News and Savage pair off again. Tully and Arn double up on Jannetty and then eliminate him.

#18. Hulk Hogan
The place, naturally, goes ballistic at Hogan’s arrival, and the ring, naturally, will soon be a little more vacant. Hogan saves Savage from elimination by Perfect, then dramatically eliminates Hennig. But Perfect sets the new longevity record: 28 minutes. Hogan works over Bad News, and while the camera’s focused on that, Savage eliminates Tito. More foreshadowing. Hogan teases elimination at the hands of Bad News, but Savage does not help him in response. MORE foreshadowing.

#19. Luke from the Bushwhackers
The ring currently has three tag teams (Brainbusters, Bushwhackers and the Mega Powers - Hogan and Savage) and Bad News Brown. Bad News eliminates Butch, with some incidental help from Hogan, and then Hogan and Savage try to eliminate Bad News, with no luck. The heels pair off to beat up the Mega Faces, with Luke joining the heels, just cuz.

#20. Koko B. Ware
Luckily he doesn’t wear his tights that have “WWF” plastered on the back, because I can just imagine the nightmare THAT would be to blur out. Everyone pairs off again. Arn goes up to get slammed off by Hogan. Hulk casually tosses Koko and Luke in short order. The Busters quickly double team Hogan while Savage and Bad News keep fighting on the ropes.

#21. The Warlord
Warlord is half of the Powers of Pain, and would set a rather dubious bit of history…in just a second. Meanwhile, Hogan catches BOTH Brainbusters with a clothesline and eliminates them both. Well, thanks a pantload, Terry. Warlord steps in…and is immediately clotheslined out by Hogan, giving him the all-time record for shortest Rumble stint at about 2 seconds. Of course, the WWF would for years forget this one and give Luke of the Bushwhackers credit for shortest stint (about 5 seconds) but now, all of a sudden, this year at the Rumble they acknowledged Warlord’s, um, honor. What, did they hire someone to keep track who actually has a memory? Meantime, Hogan tosses Bad News AND Savage as they fight on the ropes, which, shall we say, displeases the Macho Man. Macho jumps back in the ring and yells at Hogan for a while until Elizabeth comes down and makes them shake hands. Yep, MORE FORESHADOWING. Savage would turn heel about two weeks later, setting up Mania, and a whole lot of money is made.

#22. The Big Boss Man
Oh, what a coincidence, the Boss Man just happens to be who Hogan is currently feuding with. So we get a one-on-one with Hogan and Boss Man for a couple minutes, with Hogan dominating. Boss Man would get a lot better in the ring and lose a lot of weight over the years…then gain weight, then lose weight, then gain it, and so on, which may be a big reason that he is sadly no longer with us. Boss Man misses a splash…

#23. Akeem
The other half of the Twin Towers, meaning Hogan is facing a 2-on-1. The announcers immediately shout how there’s no way Boss Man and Akeem got this lucky, and the drawing had to be manipulated by the Million Dollar Man. Despite the fact that there were already two instances of tag teams coming out one right after the other. And, on a logic level, if DiBiase sold his number to Slick, does that mean Ted had 22 or 23? Why was he so upset about that? Anyway, end of logic discussion, let’s watch Hogan get slaughtered. And get slaughtered he does, as after a brief flurry of offense, the Towers start teaming up, and eliminate Hogan with shocking ease. Hogan, being Hogan, pulls Boss Man to the floor and beats him up some more, leading to a big brawl out there until…

#24. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake
Barber comes out to help Hogan on the floor, but that only serves to get Brutus double teamed back in the ring by the Towers…until, that is, Hogan pulls down the top rope, spilling Boss Man to the floor and eliminating him. What a model of good sportsmanship that Hogan was for all the kids of America. Hogan and Boss Man brawl to the back while Akeem is still working over Brutus in the ring.

#25. The Red Rooster
Rooster is, of course, Terry Taylor, a great worker who got saddled with the Rooster name for the rest of his career thanks to this run. To those who claim that Vince McMahon is a genius, I only have to say “Red Rooster.” It’s the perfect rebuttal to any such argument. Hmm, wonder if that would work in political debates, too. “I am strongly in favor of a flat tax.” “Red Rooster.” “Darn it, you got me.” Hmm, doesn’t seem to work. Ah well. Rooster and Brutus team up to work on Akeem, but can’t toss him out. The crowd is quite deflated by Hogan’s elimination.

#26. The Barbarian
The other half of the Powers of Pain teases helping out the faces, but beats up on them instead. Well, that was smart. We pair off, Brutus and Barbarian, Rooster and Akeem. Oddly enough, Rooster does the better of the two, at least until Akeem splashes him almost through the ring mat.

#27. Big John Studd
Studd was a major heel in the mid-80s WWF, and the Rumble was part of his big return as a babyface. See, you knew he was a face because he called Bobby Heenan a weasel. Studd hits the ring and immediately attacks Akeem, throwing anyone who tries to help aside. Rooster and Brutus thus team up on Barbarian, to no avail.

#28. Hercules
Herc is another longtime heel who was turned babyface when Bobby Heenan tried to sell him to Ted DiBiase as a slave. No, really, they really did that as an angle. Herc makes little impact and everyone pairs off again.

#29. Rick Martel
Martel tries to go at Akeem, too, and again Studd tosses him away. He then pairs off with the Rooster as Herc and Brutus work on Barbarian. This is really an…odd group to have at the end. No one in there right now outside of Brutus is really over.

#30. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
And DiBiase’s machinations pay off, and he inherits the #30 curse. Virgil comes out with him, and despite the manager embargo, stays at ringside for the rest of the match. DiBiase works on Herc right away. DiBiase and the Rooster pair off until a whip to the corner by Ted is dramatically oversold by the Rooster for the elimination. Then, Hercules takes over and beats on Ted for a while, until Brutus and Herc get into it. Brutus locks on a sleeper, but DiBiase and the Barbarian team up to dump BOTH Herc and Brutus. Barbarian beats on Martel for a while, even nailing a top rope head butt, but gets caught with a Martel dropkick and eliminated.

The Final Four: Akeem, Big John Studd, Rick Martel and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
This arrangement doesn’t last very long, as Martel hits a couple dropkicks and takes a running charge at Akeem, but gets caught and casually dumped out. That leaves Akeem, DiBiase and Studd. DiBiase and Akeem team up in that most capitalist of ways: Akeem does all the work and DiBiase promises to pay him for his help. It works well for a while until Studd pulls DiBiase in the way of a splash in the corner. Akeem checks on DiBiase, which allows Studd to tap Akeem in the back of the head, which allows Akeem to dramatically oversell the hit and go spilling out over the top to the floor. That leaves two. DiBiase, of course, immediately offers Studd a bribe, which is quickly denied. Studd then sets about dismantling DiBiase, tossing him around like a rag doll before eliminating him in what may be the most anti-climactic Rumble finish ever. Big John Studd wins Rumble ‘89. Good pop for the finish, at least. Virgil jumps in to beat on Studd after the match, and that goes about as well as you’d expect, which is to say, Virgil gets his *ss handed to him. Virgil gets tossed over the top just as an exclamation point. This was supposed to be the start of a big babyface push for Studd, but it turned out to be his last WWF PPV match ever, sadly, as he was gone from the company not long after Mania and passed away due to liver cancer and Hodgkin’s Disease in 1995.

Afterward, Mean Gene interviews Randy Savage in the back. There’s no problem between him and Hogan, how dare you suggest such a thing?

Back to the broadcasters to wrap things up: Gorilla, of course, totally buys that the Powers are A-OK. Jesse, of course, smells a rat. History would settle that debate quite convincingly, methinks. We even get a moment of wisdom from the Body and Future Governor: “Talk is cheap and so are handshakes.” Not quite as dramatic as “Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat,” but it’ll do.

We get the traditional closing freeze frame montage, which they did before they mastered making music videos to close the show.

THOUGHTS:
This was my first Rumble ever as a fan, though I didn’t see it on PPV - I had no cable until 1994, which meant that I had to wait for video for everything. As a result, I’ve only seen the Coliseum Video version of this until recently, which cut pretty much EVERY match down (but, oddly, had the freaking POSEDOWN in its entirety). The Rumble was mostly intact, but they cut out a bit of the last segment for some reason. Because of my emotional attachment to the show, I really can’t be objective about the quality of this one, as for nostalgia alone it’s always a blast to watch. Still, outside of the opening match, there’s not much to this show outside of the Rumble, and we were still working the kinks out of booking the big match (the last segment was fairly heatless, as all the main eventers were gone by then). Still, a fun show that demonstrated how the Rumble would work as a pay-per-view, though we’d have to wait a few years before it gained the level of importance in WWF storylines that it did. But, as a DVD, this one has NO changes to the music or anything (outside of the opening logo), and very few “WWF” omissions are noticeable, so this is one of the best releases of an old event they’ve ever done.

Next time: Rumble ‘90! Better booking! No 2 out of 3 fall matches! And maybe the biggest one-on-one showdown of all time, to boot!