Royal Rumble '88

(Yes, finally. :) )

Like a lot of things that came out of the then-WWF in the late 1980’s, it was invented for one reason and one reason only: To screw with Jim Crockett.

Back in November 1987, Jim Crockett Promotions, the biggest subsidiary of the National Wrestling Alliance and the company which would eventually morph into WCW, planned to put their biggest pay-per-view of the year, Starrcade ‘87, on Thanksgiving night. The WWF, not wanting to give the struggling company a chance to breathe, decided to run their own pay-per-view on the same night, and thus the Survivor Series was born.

Crockett, then, decided to put his next pay-per-view, The Bunkhouse Stampede, in late January 1988, probably figuring the WWF wouldn’t dare run another PPV that day, since it was so close to their own “granddaddy of them all,” WrestleMania. Well, Crockett was right…and he was wrong. The WWF didn’t run a pay-per-view that night, but instead ran a full 2 ½ hour event on the USA Network instead. And to make the show special, they filled it with star power and decided to try a crazy idea that Pat Patterson had.

Patterson, longtime wrestler and booker (writer) for the WWF had come up with a concept that would combine the elements of a Battle Royal (where a large number of wrestlers fight in the ring at the same time and eliminate each other over the top rope) with the elements of one of the NWA’s main attractions, WarGames (where two teams face off and wrestlers would enter the match at two minute intervals). The basic structure: Start with two wrestlers. Every two minutes another one would enter. You’re eliminated if you go over the top rope. Last one standing wins.

Patterson pitched his idea to McMahon, and was met with resounding indifference. Patterson continued to press the issue, with little success...until the Crockett pay-per-view was announced. Then, one day while they were pitching ideas for the special to the network, McMahon turned to Patterson and said, “Tell him about your stupid idea for that ‘Royal Rumble.’” Patterson did, the network exec loved it, and the rest is history.

I firmly believe the Rumble is the greatest gimmick match in the history of the business. It is the only match of its kind to have matured into an annual tradition - after it was first run on January 24, 1988 and drew record ratings for the USA Network, the WWF quickly added it as an annual pay-per-view starting in 1989 (proving that running a show that close to WrestleMania WOULDN’T cause Mania’s buyrate to drop). Its concept makes it as close to foolproof as possible in terms of execution. In form and style, it is very entertaining and very HARD to make boring - no matter what’s happening, in two minutes it’ll all change. It’s the kind of match that even non-wrestling fans enjoy. My appreciation for the concept was what led to the creation of the BGSU Rumble in 2003.

So, with the release of WWE’s new box set of all 20 Royal Rumble events, I thought now was the time to take a little stroll down memory lane and re-watch all the old classics, as well as review the DVDs for fans who are uncertain about whether or not to buy the set themselves. Certainly the WWE’s legal wrangling and modifications can butcher old events (as all references to “the WWF” now have to be edited out, and occasionally music is altered, as well), but hey, it’s the Rumble, and I couldn’t pass this one up.

So we begin with the one that started it all, the one that’s never been available on video before now, and the one I had never seen before acquiring the set:

Royal Rumble 1988
1/24/1988
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

Your hosts: Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura. Yes, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, any legal issues with using Jesse’s commentary track were settled - the set would have a HUGE strike against it if they edited out his work.

Opening Match: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. “Ravishing” Rick Rude
Music Update: Rude’s “The Stripper” rip-off seems to be intact, but Steamboat’s music (he used “Sirius” by Alan Parsons Project, better known as the music the Bulls entered to in the Michael Jordan years) is edited out for obvious reasons. This starts a bizarre trend on the DVDs of having Howard Finkel overdub his announcements whenever we need to overdub the music. So one moment (Rude’s entrance) you get Howard Finkel as he sounded then announcing to an arena, and the next (Steamboat’s entrance) you get Finkel as he sounds now announcing to a sound booth with fake crowd noise pumped in. Strange. Anyway, match is a long (nearly 20 minutes) and dull affair, as neither guy seems trying that hard. Rude I can buy that from, but Steamboat? One memorable moment: Rude has Steamboat in a reverse chinlock, referee checks Steamboat’s arm, setting up the old “I let my arm drop once, then twice, third time I keep my arm up and start my comeback” bit. Only Steamboat FORGETS to keep his arm up, which should mean the end of the match, but knowing there’s at least five minutes left, the referee instead checks the arm again, and this time Steamer remembers and the match continues. That kind of error is SO not Steamboat. Anyway, the finish sees a ref bump caused by Rude, followed by his then-submission finisher, and the referee calls for the bell. Rude, of course, thinks he’s won, but everyone else knows it’s a DQ win for Steamboat. Dull match, cliché finish, both guys would go on to better things.

Dino Bravo Weightlifting Challenge
Speaking of dull, here we have The World’s Strongest Man (after Ted Arcidi but before Mark Henry) Dino Bravo attempting to set a “new world record” in the bench press. The record’s 705 pounds, so of course he starts at like 450 and just adds weight in 50 pound increments until he gets there. Between the time for the reps and stalling to yell at the crowd, this takes 20 MINUTES. Finally he reaches 715, and “spotter” Jesse Ventura reaches down and obviously “helps” Bravo lift the weight up and “set the record.” Of course, since Bravo’s a heel he’d use this for years to get cheap heat. Endless segment.

Women’s Tag Team Title Match, 2 Out of 3 Falls: The Glamour Girls (champions) w/ Jimmy Hart vs. The Jumping Bomb Angels
Yes, there actually was a Women’s Tag Team Title, primarily because we signed the Jumping Bomb Angels and wanted to give them a prop. Glamour Girls get no music, and whatever the Angels’ music was, it’s overdubbed. This match is SO ahead of its time it’s not funny. The Angels are Japanese wrestlers Noriyo Tateno and Itsuki Yamazaki, who as workers outclassed pretty much EVERYONE else on the WWF roster, and this match is no exception. The Glamour Girls (veterans Leilani Kai and Judy Martin) keep up, though, and the end result is a really good match by both the standards of the time and today’s. This one would easily fit on a ROH show today. First fall is won by the Glamour Girls when Martin hits an over-the-shoulder power bomb variation. (As Scott Keith pointed out, the NORMAL power bomb wasn’t even being used in the US at this point, and here they are doing VARIATIONS on it.) Second fall sees the Angels tie it up when the same move is countered into a sunset flip for the pin. Third fall is fast paced stuff that ends with the Angels hitting a double dropkick for the titles. They’d hold them for six months, never making another major TV appearance, really, then drop them back to the Glamour Girls in June, at which point the titles faded back into obscurity. Ah well, we’ll always have this match. Sigh…

Next we get the history leading up to…

Hulk Hogan/Andre the Giant - Contract Signing
And anyone who has ever watched a contract signing in wrestling knows where this is going. And we take about 10 minutes to get there, as Andre stalls before even SITTING DOWN at the table to sign it. Then Ted DiBiase, Andre’s manager, stalls by taunting Hogan while he signs it. Then Andre stalls in reading it. Then he stalls in signing it. Then, FINALLY, Andre attacks Hogan and turns the table on top of him, leaving him laying. Wow, didn’t see that coming. This set up their match on The Main Event, where Andre won the title and immediately “surrendered” it to DiBiase, which set up WrestleMania IV.

And now, finally, it is time for…

The Royal Rumble
Rule variations for the first one: it’s only a 20-man Rumble, and they insist that if you go over the top, it’s over no matter where you land. Of course, in practice they only count those who hit the floor, so basically the rules are the same in that respect.

First two entrants ever: #1. Bret “Hitman” Hart, #2 Tito Santana
Both guys are already in the ring, so no music. Bret, at this point, is a mid-card heel, half of the Hart Foundation, and managed by Jimmy Hart. Tito is a mid-card babyface and half of the team Strike Force, who were reigning champions at that point. The two teams had a feud over the belts, so the first segment has some built-in crowd heat. They exchange offense for a while, until the clock comes up (not apparently shown to the crowd, because nobody counts down with it as would become tradition later) to herald the entrance of…

#3. “The Natural” Butch Reed
See, he was an African American with blonde hair, so he’s “The Natural.” Nyuk nyuk. Butch attacks Tito, as the whole “every man for himself” thing didn’t mean heels beating heels or faces beating faces yet. Bret and Butch beat on Tito for a while until…

#4. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart
Jim is Bret’s tag team partner, so now Tito’s facing a 3-on-1 situation. The heels take great delight in beating the hell out of Santana for the entire two minute period, finally trying to eliminate him until…

#5. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Jake jumps in and eliminates Butch Reed right away, saving Tito in the process. Now it’s Jake/Tito vs. the Harts, dominated by the babyfaces until Bret clotheslines Jake just before…

#6. “The King” Harley Race
All-time-great and now-Hall-of-Famer Race was shoehorned into a mid-card heel role as a member of the Heenan Family, and proceeds to give the heels a 3-on-2 advantage until…

#7. “Jumping” Jim Brunzell
One half of the face team the Killer Bees. Yes, Virginia, there was a time where we could put guys in yellow-and-black striped tights and they would get over. Brunzell evens the score, and we start trying to eliminate people in earnest. No one goes, though.

#8. Sam Houston
Sam is a skinny jobber-to-the-stars and, BTW, Jake Roberts’s half-brother. That gives the faces a 4-on-3 advantage, though by now it kinda breaks down and the “us vs. them” factor gets shelved. The Harts team up to toss Tito out, however.

#9. “Dangerous” Danny Davis
Danny is a former referee-turned-low-card heel, and doesn’t make much impact. Everybody pairs off and has little mini-matches in varying corners.

#10. Boris Zukhov
One half of the heel tag team the Bolsheviks. They’re evil Russians, naturally. First violation of the face/heel rule: Harley Race beating on Boris.

#11. “The Rock” Don Muraco
No, not THAT Rock…Muraco is a former Intercontinental champion who turned babyface and dubbed himself “The Rock,” a good ten years before Rocky Maivia adopted the same name. For some reason, Nikolai Volkoff (Boris’s tag team partner) follows Muraco out and tries to come in with him, but the referees prevent it. Coincidentally, Jake and Brunzell team up to eliminate Zukhov, one of the only times the “slowly ease him out of the ring” bit actually works.

#12. Nikolai Volkoff
They finally allow Nikolai into the ring, just in time to see Muraco blast Race with a shot and eliminate him. Brunzell gets tossed to the apron, but doesn’t hit the floor and climbs back in, thus proving their declaration of rules to be incorrect.

#13. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
He carries the 2x4 to the ring and gets into a little tussle with the slow-to-leave Race, but leaves the board on the floor before entering. Ring is starting to get crowded.

#14. “The Outlaw” Ron Bass
You don’t know Bass and shouldn’t care, really. His most memorable moment would come at the next year’s Rumble, we‘ll cover that later. Volkoff powers Brunzell out of the ring to eliminate him.

#15. B. Brian Blair
Blair is Brunzell’s partner, there just in the nick of too late to save him. Crowd is constantly chanting “DDT” for Jake, no matter who he’s fighting with.

#16. Hillbilly Jim
Jim is a big powerhouse who had an unspectacular career, but is apparently somehow STILL on the WWE payroll, working for the video department or something. He eliminates Neidhart to say hello. Blair, like his partner, gets tossed but lands on the apron.

#17. Dino Bravo
Bravo makes little impact. Houston jumps on Bass’s shoulders, a frankly stupid move, and not surprisingly he gets eliminated as a result.

#18. The Ultimate Warrior
The Warrior was just a muscular mid-carder in face paint at this point, and wasn’t yet, you know, THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR. Muraco dramatically tosses Bret, and Bret sets the first longevity record: 26 minutes.

#19. The One Man Gang
The Gang is a huge guy in black trunks who’d later be known as Akeem. He would even later be called “The late, great One Man Gang” by Michael Cole in a commentary track, which is a neat trick considering HE’S STILL ALIVE. Gang tosses Blair and Jake Roberts in short order.

#20. The Junkyard Dog
JYD gets the dubious honor of starting the “last guy doesn’t win” tradition. Duggan eliminates Volkoff with a backbody drop. The Gang eliminates Hillbilly Jim. Big clothesline from Duggan eliminates Danny Davis. Bravo and the Gang team up to eliminate the Warrior. Ron Bass sneaks up from behind to eliminate JYD, then Muraco nails Bass from behind to eliminate him, leaving us with…

The Final Four: “The Rock” Don Muraco, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Dino Bravo and the One Man Gang
We pair off into faces vs. heels, leading to Muraco getting eliminated in probably the only time ever the “you hold the face, I’ll run and hit him with a clothesline” bit ACTUALLY WORKS. So Duggan’s facing a two-on-one, and makes a go of it by attacking them first. They try the bit that worked on Muraco, but they’ve used up their karma with that one, so this time it fails and Bravo gets eliminated by his own partner. That leaves Duggan/Gang. Gang dominates with his size, but then stupidly charges at Duggan while he’s on the ropes, and Duggan pulls down the top rope, which sends him spilling to the floor, making Jim Duggan the winner of the first-ever Rumble. In execution, it would get better over the years, but not a bad start at all.

There’s more to the show, sadly…

First we Take You Back to Hogan getting beat up earlier tonight, then we take you to Hogan himself talking about getting beaten up and facing Andre. He’ll beat him at the Main Event, and so on.

2 Out of 3 Falls: The Islanders vs. The Young Stallions
Man, they liked the “2 Out of 3 Falls” stipulation on this show. Both teams come out to their normal music, no overdubs here. The Islanders are not related to the New York hockey team, FYI. They are, in fact, Haku (who would go on to become King Haku and Meng in WCW) and Tama (who would go on to…uh…be the guy who once teamed with the guy who became King Haku and Meng). If they are somehow related to wrestling’s Samoan family tree, I don’t know how, though I seem to recall the Rock mentioning Haku in his book. They’re also managed by Bobby Heenan, who for some reason isn’t out there. The Young Stallions are perennial jobbers Jim Powers and Paul Roma. Roma would get his best chance at success as part of the Power and Glory tag team with Hercules, but it went nowhere. Funny pre-match moment: Jesse tells Vince that he can’t get on Heenan’s case about Matilda the bulldog’s ill health (um, don’t ask) because, as a broadcast journalist, he shouldn’t speak out until he has all the facts. Vince: “Why not, they do it all the time.” So Vinnie was ALWAYS leery of the media, I see, even before they started outing wrestlers by name…but, I digress. I am writing way too much about a match that is of utterly no importance, but there you go. The match is basically a time-filler because we hadn’t perfected the art of timing our live shows for television, so we’d throw a match out there and let it run until we were out of time. Jesse and Vince prove this by talking about everything BUT the match. And, to add to the dullness, the crowd is dead. If not outright leaving. Finally, Roma gets a “hot” tag, and we’re so lackadaisical Hell doesn’t even Break Loose. Finally, Haku pulls down the top rope and Roma spills to the floor, “hurting his knee,” and referee Joey Marella counts him out (taking about a minute to do so, as Jesse rightly points out), giving the first fall to the Islanders.

And, just to show how much we think of the match in progress, when we come back from break, we show the Andre/Hogan signing highlights AGAIN, and then interview DiBiase and Andre. He’ll beat Hogan at the Main Event, and so on.

And now we’re back to the match, as Roma got a tape job on the knee to sell the injury. Per rules of tag wrestling, Roma starts the second fall and gets his knee beaten on a lot. Crowd on the hard side of the camera is emptying out before our eyes. Powers tags in and doesn’t take too long to become Face In Trouble, and gets beaten on for a few minutes. Then Roma again gets a “hot” tag, which gets squashed in about ten seconds by Haku, leading to more work on the knee until Roma submits to a single leg crab. Heels win in two straight falls? Not even the slightest hint of a comeback by the Stallions? Well, that was a weird match.

The arena empties out in record time, and Vince and Jesse wrap it up. And we show the Hogan/Andre footage AGAIN.

THOUGHTS:
Wow, other than being historic, groundbreaking and important, this is a crushingly dull show. The women’s tag match is really good and the Rumble itself is good for the first one, but otherwise this is really not an impressive effort at all. It would get better. As a DVD, though, there are a minimum of annoying music edits and so forth (thanks, mainly, to the structure of the Rumble match, which didn’t play the entrants’ music at this point), and the commentary is in all its original glory, so it’s one of the better WWE releases of old footage to date.

Next time: Rumble ‘89! We go to pay-per-view! We expand to 30 entrants! We add main eventers!