30 Things I've Learned in 30 Years

(Inspired by Dave Barry's list, which I'm sure you've read - whether or not the version you got was the real one being another matter - here's mine, which is a little more serious and introspective. Well, some of it, anyway.)

1. The one thing every member of the human race has in common is, deep down, we all think that the theme from "Shaft" is pretty cool.

2. No matter what, life can always find a way to surprise you. For better or worse.

3. Love is unspeakably wonderful for those who find it, and utter agony for those who don't.

4. The act of creating something is the most fulfilling feeling in the world.

5. The universe is filled with enough beauty and mystery to satisfy several dozen lifetimes full of examination and contemplation.

6. The essential rule of existence is pretty simple, actually: Do what you want, as long as you don't hurt anyone else.

7. Question everything.

8. Soy sauce, as a condiment, works with most everything. Except dessert.

9. The better the movie, the less likely it is that a lot of people will see it.

10. There are few works of art quite as enthralling as a great wrestling match.

11. Music is the language of the soul, but translating that language to paper can be...difficult.

12. Tell her how you feel. Any answer is better than years of doubt.

13. You're gonna make mistakes. That's what makes you human. You sometimes won't apologize for them. That's what makes you an *sshole.

14. Beware of mocking current societal trends, because you'll just have to eat your words when you end up following them, anyway.

15. Comedy is harder than drama, but drama will always win the awards, because when comedy works, it looks easy.

16. Look deeper than skin deep. People who look beautiful, more often than not, spend most of their time doing nothing more interesting than looking beautiful.

17. Life, in general, is ugly and simple. It's up to us to make it more.

18. Just because a lot of people think something doesn't mean it's true. As Penn and Teller pointed out, "...'Candle in the Wind' by Sir Elton John is the best selling song of all time. 'Popular' sure doesn't mean 'right.'"

19. The one thing that we all need more of is empathy.

20. Just be patient, and Saturday Night Live will get good again.

21. You won't find many friends willing to go to the wall for you. When you do, if you let go even for a second, you're a damn fool.

22. No matter what anyone tries to say, looks do matter. Put Fabio and Einstein next to each other and see who the majority of potential sexual suitors walk off with.

23. Despite apparent public perceptions to the contrary, no harm ever comes from looking someone in the eye and saying, "Thank you."

24. There are few personality traits that pay more dividends than the tendency to follow a foolish impulse.

25. The surest sign of a mature human being is their willingness to admit that they don't know everything.

26. Life is too damn short to spend great chunks of it in states of chemically-altered consciousness.

27. Interesting conversation is one of the rarest and most precious commodities.

28. Sometimes, no matter how correct you are, you cannot win the argument. Doesn't mean that it's not worth fighting for.

29. Keep an open mind. Just not so open that your brain falls out.

30. Somebody, somewhere, hates you. Deal with it.